in one of my previous posts, i wrote about letting go of something that needed to be released.
i wanted to get a little more specific about that today, because as i reflect on the process that has brought me to this moment, i am reminded how all of you have impacted me, especially during the fast and through this blog.
a couple of months ago keith asked people to stand up if they were "all in". i couldn't do it. i really wanted to, but i knew if i stood up, it wouldn't be genuine for me because i was still holding onto something that needed to be released to God.
recently i found myself asking, "why am i placing my trust and my need for approval in the hands of humans and not in God's hands?" and i remembered a verse…the Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall i be afraid?
by selfishly holding onto this, i'm preventing God from using it to help others. and if i continue to keep it to myself, how is that glorifying His name??
so this sunday i'm going to be sharing my testimony. i'm releasing it.
i can't say i'm feeling 100% confident about it. i keep thinking, "why in the WORLD am i going to get up in front of the church and willingly talk about the worst part of my life, the absolute WORST part of me?"
and then i remember back about 3 years ago when someone else willingly got up and shared her testimony, and how much it affected me. i was blown away by her courage and candor. it was so powerful, and it also set off a series of events that ultimately brought me right here to this moment. God is so good. He is the great orchestrator and connector of all things.
sometimes i can't believe that He has taken the very worst of me and is now using it for good.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Refection and Change
I thought about this time of fasting and what feels different, what has been hard, what do I see in me and in others, and just generally listening. I am in awe of God and his goodness. I feel like he has shown a light on me and somethings. I realized that we don't change unless we are uncomfortable with life. Not that it's bad but when we get in the mode of "If it isn't broke don't fix it!!" We tend to stay in one spot or we think life is horrible and we can't do anything to change it so why bother. The Lord has been really been making me face my fears and seeing that I operate a lot out of fear. Fear is not from God! I let fear control my choice or my decisions. Every time I come against something that makes me fearful I hear him say face your fear. I think God is with me so why am I so afraid? What have have seen is that even when things don't look the way I think they should or even when I have to suffer consequences I can do it with the confidence of the Lord. It works out the way it should and I don't have to control it or be afraid of it. God has not given me a spirit of fear but one of might and power. I see I have limits and it's ok to know my limits and say I am not good at that. That isn't what I am to do. It also gives me freedom to say no. To stand up for me and say I can't be what you are asking or do what you are needing. It means no more than I have a limit. I haven't done this perfectly but I am becoming more aware as I go. I can trust God and he leads me hmmmmm imagine that!
As I come to the end of this fast I am looking forward to a celebration. I am becoming a new person. I have a new prospective of life. I want to celebrate what God has done and will keep doing in me. I have been reading a lot about the death and resurrection. I keep hearing the scripture about all the old is past away and I am new creation in the Lord. My old self is passing and I have had to morn that. I am becoming a new and I will celebrate that come Sunday.
I have also seen that God has raised the bar with all of us. Called us to more then we have ever had or done before. We need him in order to accomplish this. We need more of him and less of us. Some of us needed big change and growth so it requires more cost. Even in that struggle of can I do this? Can I give up what you are asking? Can I trust you with ....` If we can or can not God loves us the same. We just don't get all that he is wanting for us right now. He is showing us he wants to give us more because we have asked. Because he loves us and wants to give us more of himself and what he has. He is calling us ladies to come and dance with him. We are his affections.
Honored to be walking with you
I thought about this time of fasting and what feels different, what has been hard, what do I see in me and in others, and just generally listening. I am in awe of God and his goodness. I feel like he has shown a light on me and somethings. I realized that we don't change unless we are uncomfortable with life. Not that it's bad but when we get in the mode of "If it isn't broke don't fix it!!" We tend to stay in one spot or we think life is horrible and we can't do anything to change it so why bother. The Lord has been really been making me face my fears and seeing that I operate a lot out of fear. Fear is not from God! I let fear control my choice or my decisions. Every time I come against something that makes me fearful I hear him say face your fear. I think God is with me so why am I so afraid? What have have seen is that even when things don't look the way I think they should or even when I have to suffer consequences I can do it with the confidence of the Lord. It works out the way it should and I don't have to control it or be afraid of it. God has not given me a spirit of fear but one of might and power. I see I have limits and it's ok to know my limits and say I am not good at that. That isn't what I am to do. It also gives me freedom to say no. To stand up for me and say I can't be what you are asking or do what you are needing. It means no more than I have a limit. I haven't done this perfectly but I am becoming more aware as I go. I can trust God and he leads me hmmmmm imagine that!
As I come to the end of this fast I am looking forward to a celebration. I am becoming a new person. I have a new prospective of life. I want to celebrate what God has done and will keep doing in me. I have been reading a lot about the death and resurrection. I keep hearing the scripture about all the old is past away and I am new creation in the Lord. My old self is passing and I have had to morn that. I am becoming a new and I will celebrate that come Sunday.
I have also seen that God has raised the bar with all of us. Called us to more then we have ever had or done before. We need him in order to accomplish this. We need more of him and less of us. Some of us needed big change and growth so it requires more cost. Even in that struggle of can I do this? Can I give up what you are asking? Can I trust you with ....` If we can or can not God loves us the same. We just don't get all that he is wanting for us right now. He is showing us he wants to give us more because we have asked. Because he loves us and wants to give us more of himself and what he has. He is calling us ladies to come and dance with him. We are his affections.
Honored to be walking with you
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Dreams and such...
AWW-thank you my friends. And I stand today-this moment and link my shield with yours. I'm going to do some "worship warfare" on behalf of each one of us and pray specific things that we all have shared. I'm so honored to be able to do this-and thank God for giving the opportunity.
This morning I had a dream in the unconscious moments just before waking. It was very real, very 'present' and was bold enough that it got my attention. The Lord intended to speak to me.
I took some time to look at the emotions stirred up by the dream and looked at some of the symbolism. Before and during, I prayed, asking the Lord to make clear what He was showing me. To say that I was surprised at what I discovered is an understatement. He was very sweet and He spoke very clearly. It was a powerful affirmation of the sacrifice I need to lay on the altar. No more direction, no more clarity, just affirmation. So, He has my attention and I am still listening.
This morning I had a dream in the unconscious moments just before waking. It was very real, very 'present' and was bold enough that it got my attention. The Lord intended to speak to me.
I took some time to look at the emotions stirred up by the dream and looked at some of the symbolism. Before and during, I prayed, asking the Lord to make clear what He was showing me. To say that I was surprised at what I discovered is an understatement. He was very sweet and He spoke very clearly. It was a powerful affirmation of the sacrifice I need to lay on the altar. No more direction, no more clarity, just affirmation. So, He has my attention and I am still listening.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Back to Basics
Ok, so what is the last thing you absolutely know you heard from God? The last few days I have been dragging my feet and couldn't get motivated to do the next step in this journey. I realized it was partly out of fear and partly because I had lost the vision that God had given me. I absolutely know that God said "Go". He doesn't always give us all the details, because if He did, we'd shrink back or stand in unbelief because it is so much more than we, in our humble human minds, could ever imagine would be possible. So, I have pulled my feet out of the muck and mire, the quicksand of my doubts and fears, and I am looking toward the vision God has shown me and I am running with abandon toward HIM! Keeping my eyes focused on Him as my prize and my joy, I press on to know Him!
Lay it on the altar
Way back at the beginning of this, I did not think that God would show me significant things in all 3 areas that I am praying about; I even doubted that He would. But He has.
I got some very raw "data" that I have only been willing to hear for the first time this morning and consider what the possibilities might be beyond what I know. As this is so new, so raw, I'm not ready to give specifics b/c this is not ready for perspective, for advice, for working through, or for action. I need to sit with this for a while, but I don't want to sit with it alone-too dangerous.
I need to lay something on the altar; to completely surrender it to the Lord; take my hands away and not think about how it might change or how things might be different. I can't hope for the future of this thing b/c in my mind and my heart I need to let it die in order to completely surrender it. It MUST go through the fire. If I hope for the future of this then I will be "shaping & molding" it verses allowing the Lord come in and TRULY do as He wishes. Even if it means that this thing won't exist when He is finished. That last thought is almost devastating to me-it impacts others, not just myself & that makes this process incredibly difficult.
The Lord told me to go back to what I believe-I know the very place, time & thing He is pointing to. I haven't done that quite yet, but when I do I am to ask myself the question: Do I believe God for these things, without my present circumstance & securities in place, Do I believe Him for them, unconditionally?? I wish that I cold say yes, but I'm realizing that I don't know if I fully trust the Lord. Aw-I can't believe this is an issue. . .
Just at the end of my dialogue with the Lord, a song came on. The words are, "You are God of the Heavens and God of the Earth; . . .You are God over what seems like happenstance, You are God over every circumstance. . ."
Will I lay it a on the altar, will I let it go, will I finally believe?
I got some very raw "data" that I have only been willing to hear for the first time this morning and consider what the possibilities might be beyond what I know. As this is so new, so raw, I'm not ready to give specifics b/c this is not ready for perspective, for advice, for working through, or for action. I need to sit with this for a while, but I don't want to sit with it alone-too dangerous.
I need to lay something on the altar; to completely surrender it to the Lord; take my hands away and not think about how it might change or how things might be different. I can't hope for the future of this thing b/c in my mind and my heart I need to let it die in order to completely surrender it. It MUST go through the fire. If I hope for the future of this then I will be "shaping & molding" it verses allowing the Lord come in and TRULY do as He wishes. Even if it means that this thing won't exist when He is finished. That last thought is almost devastating to me-it impacts others, not just myself & that makes this process incredibly difficult.
The Lord told me to go back to what I believe-I know the very place, time & thing He is pointing to. I haven't done that quite yet, but when I do I am to ask myself the question: Do I believe God for these things, without my present circumstance & securities in place, Do I believe Him for them, unconditionally?? I wish that I cold say yes, but I'm realizing that I don't know if I fully trust the Lord. Aw-I can't believe this is an issue. . .
Just at the end of my dialogue with the Lord, a song came on. The words are, "You are God of the Heavens and God of the Earth; . . .You are God over what seems like happenstance, You are God over every circumstance. . ."
Will I lay it a on the altar, will I let it go, will I finally believe?
Monday, March 30, 2009
Disconnected??
I read Tori's post which made me feel like I wasn't out in no mans land. I have been feeling very dissconnected lately. Partly is my fault because I don't want to be around people and I don't want to let people see my hurt and my junk. I am allowing the Lord to plow up the ground and it's not pretty in the begining. I guess I just feel at times lost or on the outside. I know that it's not that way it just feels like it. I guess we all have wilderness times and times of feeling no engaged in what is going on around us. I guess partly I just wanted to check in and make sure that is what is happening. I want to make sure I am not leaving myself out in the open alone. I have been putting on my armor everyday and as things come up I pray for you all. So in that I know I am still connected. Just not feeling it at the moment.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Testing time
God's dreams for me are so big, more than I can imagine. and yet I am so incredibly excited by the idea of being allowed to step into the manifestation of these dreams. I so want to do my part to be ready & prepared to be available to God. Psalm 139:23-24 (my paraphrase) Search me and know me Lord, know my heart, try me (test me to Your approval), know my thoughts and worries, see if there is any wicked way (show me so I can turn from it) in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Searching me is to show me who I am that is not lined up with You--the areas of my life that I have not faith in or conformed to Your character. Show me the wickedness in me. Put me through times of testing & trial so I can begin to understand and see these areas where I am not allowing You in. Show me where my heart really is and help me, through the trials, to line up more with You, so that I can follow You in the way, on the path, that You have designed for me.
It is humbling to realize that God desires to have each of us on His path and will search us and show us who we are if we will just allow Him to, if we will choose to let Him in and choose to let Him test our character so we can be conformed to Him. And He can fully use the gifts He has designed into each of us when we are fully committed to being conformed to His image, His character.
Lord, You are testing me and showing me who I am and areas of my life that are not conformed to You. It is not always easy or pleasant, pretty much never is, but I wouldn't miss it for the world. Continue to show me areas of my character that need refinement so I can be fully ready to do the work You have designed for me, can be fully conformed to Your character, Your image. Make me more like Jesus. Help "me" to decrease so YOU increase. I want nothing of "me" seen, only Your love & grace & mercy and character.
It is humbling to realize that God desires to have each of us on His path and will search us and show us who we are if we will just allow Him to, if we will choose to let Him in and choose to let Him test our character so we can be conformed to Him. And He can fully use the gifts He has designed into each of us when we are fully committed to being conformed to His image, His character.
Lord, You are testing me and showing me who I am and areas of my life that are not conformed to You. It is not always easy or pleasant, pretty much never is, but I wouldn't miss it for the world. Continue to show me areas of my character that need refinement so I can be fully ready to do the work You have designed for me, can be fully conformed to Your character, Your image. Make me more like Jesus. Help "me" to decrease so YOU increase. I want nothing of "me" seen, only Your love & grace & mercy and character.
Promises
Psalm 31:8 You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
Psalm 35:1&3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Lift up your spear & javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
Psalm 44:7 You are the One who gives us victory over our enemies...
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge & strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
Psalm 46:7 The Lord of Heaven's armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.
Psalm 35:1&3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Lift up your spear & javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
Psalm 44:7 You are the One who gives us victory over our enemies...
Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge & strength, always ready to help in times of trouble.
Psalm 46:7 The Lord of Heaven's armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.
Monday, March 23, 2009
New Day
On Sunday I started my 21 days of a different shift in my fasting. I was so over whelmed by God because just before I started this he gave me a freedom and a peace. I am in a place of wanting him to dig around in my heart and show me what am I holding onto? What lies do I believe? He had already begun showing me. I realized that I have been taught all my life not to share the truth. I learned how to be open and honest from being at New Hope. When I am not open and honest I am not myself. If I keep things bottled up Satan can use that stuff to play in my head. That sin eats at me and destroys things around me. I realized I was taught this growing up as we are not to let others know our problems.
The one thing that I feel God is opening up for me is that I don't view myself of having value. In my head I know I am valuable. I know that King Jesus calls me daughter but I don't look at myself has being worthy. I am always amazed when God finds me and I cry out and he helps me. I should always be grateful but I shouldn't be so shocked that he provides for me. I am happy a lot of the time to settle for the scraps. I am ok with taking what is given to me. This is just the start of some of the things the Lord is showing me. I am going to just take these 21 days and be with the Lord. Let him search me and open my heart up. I feel I have a old lie that I believe or God wants to upgrade my heart to a different level of who he is.
I am so right with Kristi as I think of all that the Lord endured before he died. I am seeing a new love in what he did for us. I also keep thinking Joy comes in the Morning. That 3rd day God had victory over death and Sin. His Joy came after the pain!! The small price we pay will bring much joy from the Lord. Peace flows like a river and joy comes in the Morning. The dawn of a new day. I pray that we each find the dawn of a new day. Count the cost and engage the Lord. Standing with you.....
The one thing that I feel God is opening up for me is that I don't view myself of having value. In my head I know I am valuable. I know that King Jesus calls me daughter but I don't look at myself has being worthy. I am always amazed when God finds me and I cry out and he helps me. I should always be grateful but I shouldn't be so shocked that he provides for me. I am happy a lot of the time to settle for the scraps. I am ok with taking what is given to me. This is just the start of some of the things the Lord is showing me. I am going to just take these 21 days and be with the Lord. Let him search me and open my heart up. I feel I have a old lie that I believe or God wants to upgrade my heart to a different level of who he is.
I am so right with Kristi as I think of all that the Lord endured before he died. I am seeing a new love in what he did for us. I also keep thinking Joy comes in the Morning. That 3rd day God had victory over death and Sin. His Joy came after the pain!! The small price we pay will bring much joy from the Lord. Peace flows like a river and joy comes in the Morning. The dawn of a new day. I pray that we each find the dawn of a new day. Count the cost and engage the Lord. Standing with you.....
It's unconditional...
I'm entering this week with a fresh realization of my need for the Lord and a renewed commitment to this fast-a time I've set apart and committed to seeking more of Him. Last week I gave into my own wants, my own desires, & broke my fast and my commitment to the Lord numerous times. I came to the harsh realization that this is a sin for me. If it hadn't have been for Denisha :-) I would have continued justifying my sin and making it ok in my own mind. I'm so very appreciative, in yet one more way, for going through this together. The reasons I am fasting are worth this small sacrifice, the ultimate reason being that I'm seeking more of the Lord-I needed to get my perspective realigned correctly. He is worth so much more than this-I hate how easily I give in.
In my time of confessing this to the Lord and repenting, I am again amazed at His love. I think it would be easier if He would chastise me. I've experienced a new level of this love-His forgiveness. After what seemed like such a good week of moving forward with Bri, she hit a new low yesterday. Initially I wanted to give up on her & I even "wanted" to hate her (being very, very real here) and yet there is no way that I could bring myself to that. Even in my imperfect love for her the only thing that I can do is to continue wanting the best for her. If this absolutely imperfect mother with imperfect love can keep hoping, keep praying, keep loving, how much more is the love of our Lord for us. I've thought about what Jesus endured physically leading up to His crucifixion and why He offered to go through all that He did. He did it because of His love for us. I've known this in my head, but have experienced it to a new degree with our daughter. I'm not saying it is the same thing, just that I think I get it at a new level that makes my understanding real. Before my perspective has always been me/us receiving this from Him. I think I've experienced this now in not only receiving, but in giving it unconditionally. It is so painful.
I've finally looked up some things about Lent-it was helpful to me and refreshing in that it helped me to renew my commitment to Jesus. I'm posting a link to a "radio retreat" that has messages for the 6 Sundays leading up to Easter centered on the purpose of Lent. I admire the Catholic's commitment to discipline. I want to marry a new level of discipline to my heart for the Lord... http://www.franciscanradio.org/Retreats/Lent/archive.asp?lang=en&cycle=B
I'm praying for all of us this morning.
Philipians 3:12-14 I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. (CEV)
In my time of confessing this to the Lord and repenting, I am again amazed at His love. I think it would be easier if He would chastise me. I've experienced a new level of this love-His forgiveness. After what seemed like such a good week of moving forward with Bri, she hit a new low yesterday. Initially I wanted to give up on her & I even "wanted" to hate her (being very, very real here) and yet there is no way that I could bring myself to that. Even in my imperfect love for her the only thing that I can do is to continue wanting the best for her. If this absolutely imperfect mother with imperfect love can keep hoping, keep praying, keep loving, how much more is the love of our Lord for us. I've thought about what Jesus endured physically leading up to His crucifixion and why He offered to go through all that He did. He did it because of His love for us. I've known this in my head, but have experienced it to a new degree with our daughter. I'm not saying it is the same thing, just that I think I get it at a new level that makes my understanding real. Before my perspective has always been me/us receiving this from Him. I think I've experienced this now in not only receiving, but in giving it unconditionally. It is so painful.
I've finally looked up some things about Lent-it was helpful to me and refreshing in that it helped me to renew my commitment to Jesus. I'm posting a link to a "radio retreat" that has messages for the 6 Sundays leading up to Easter centered on the purpose of Lent. I admire the Catholic's commitment to discipline. I want to marry a new level of discipline to my heart for the Lord... http://www.franciscanradio.org/Retreats/Lent/archive.asp?lang=en&cycle=B
I'm praying for all of us this morning.
Philipians 3:12-14 I have not yet reached my goal, and I am not perfect. But Christ has taken hold of me. So I keep on running and struggling to take hold of the prize. My friends, I don't feel that I have already arrived. But I forget what is behind, and I struggle for what is ahead. I run toward the goal, so that I can win the prize of being called to heaven. This is the prize that God offers because of what Christ Jesus has done. (CEV)
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Random Thoughts
I had a great time the other night too!! I'm so very grateful for each one of you-you are incredible women. I cannot say enough how I love you and appreciate these freindships!
Tori & Cristol-hope you & your families have a wonderful time this week. You are especially in my prayers.
We met with Kirk's family Sunday. It didn't go anything at all like I had hoped and I couldn't help but question God; "What the heck was the purpose of THAT?!" Our goal was to state to the other parents what our stance was on this whole thing. We did accomplish that - barely... We were asked to have this meeting in order that Kirk could apologize and make ammends-he did neither. He did tell us that he hoped the outcome of the meeting would result in us allowing him to have a relationship with Bri. (No dice) That, I half expected but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until I heard him out. What kicked us in the gut after that was the barage of advice that his parents had for us-give her back her phone, give her back her privileges on the computer, loosen the restrictions and....allow her to be "freinds" with Kirk. UGH-it was very clear that we do not live by the same value system-not even close. Even worse, I felt like we had been beaten down yet again.
I'm holding on to this Psalm: "I have heard the Lord say, 'I have given you the victory!'" NOW-I want to see it!
After that, we talked with Bri about it all. Several hours later, after she had had a chance to process some of it, she opened up & shared some deep things with me-good movement.
Today, we went to our first counseling session and it was really good. Bri was so receptive (thank you for the prayers!!!!!!!!!) She was honest & forthright. Of course it hurt to hear some of it, but it was so good to hear more of her heart. The best outcome of tonight's session was that she began to clearly see some of the different ways that this young man had manipulated her, us and his parents. I'm so grateful for the clarity God gave-such a good start.
Tori & Cristol-hope you & your families have a wonderful time this week. You are especially in my prayers.
We met with Kirk's family Sunday. It didn't go anything at all like I had hoped and I couldn't help but question God; "What the heck was the purpose of THAT?!" Our goal was to state to the other parents what our stance was on this whole thing. We did accomplish that - barely... We were asked to have this meeting in order that Kirk could apologize and make ammends-he did neither. He did tell us that he hoped the outcome of the meeting would result in us allowing him to have a relationship with Bri. (No dice) That, I half expected but was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until I heard him out. What kicked us in the gut after that was the barage of advice that his parents had for us-give her back her phone, give her back her privileges on the computer, loosen the restrictions and....allow her to be "freinds" with Kirk. UGH-it was very clear that we do not live by the same value system-not even close. Even worse, I felt like we had been beaten down yet again.
I'm holding on to this Psalm: "I have heard the Lord say, 'I have given you the victory!'" NOW-I want to see it!
After that, we talked with Bri about it all. Several hours later, after she had had a chance to process some of it, she opened up & shared some deep things with me-good movement.
Today, we went to our first counseling session and it was really good. Bri was so receptive (thank you for the prayers!!!!!!!!!) She was honest & forthright. Of course it hurt to hear some of it, but it was so good to hear more of her heart. The best outcome of tonight's session was that she began to clearly see some of the different ways that this young man had manipulated her, us and his parents. I'm so grateful for the clarity God gave-such a good start.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
I just wanted to say thank you for including me in your pow wow last night. All of you are so wonderful and I've enjoyed spending time with you and getting to know those of you I don't know as well. I love each of your hearts. You are a lot of fun and at the same time are set solid in Him. Very encouraging and faith building. Also, as you guys know I am doing this as a beginning to finally losing the weight I know He is orchestrating for me to lose (the time is now). I want to say that having people who are in the same boat (for different reasons but still the same boat) has helped me immensely. God is so faithful. The longer I walk this journey, the more this earthen vessel can't contain the joy and love He spills out on us. I so love Him and I love His body. She is beautiful, just like Him, because she is the reflection of Him and the place where He can be expressed. I'm just grateful and full today and part of it is because of you guys. Thank you.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Dying then Loving
As we are in the process of preparing to meet with the young man and his family, (deciding where we will meet them, and preparing our hearts, bathing the time in prayer,) we thought it would be best to meet on neutral ground. However, as Jeff is making the arrangements, they decide that they want us to come to their home. Immediately everything inside of me stands on edge and screams , "NO!!" It didn't take me long to truly lay the decision down at the Lord's feet and ask Him to guide us in this, but I really did not want get together with them there. (I chose to let my personal desires "die.")
This morning, the Lord's joy returns to me during the time I've set aside for Him and I am completely overwhelmed with His love. I'm praising Him, thanking Him and my heart becomes so full. I begin praying over our time with this family tomorrow and His answer comes and I am completely stricken with His love and His grace. He says, "Go to their home, be full of My Holy Spirit, I will go before you and they will know of Me before you get there but it is you, (Jeff & I,)who will take Me to them. I want you to pray for them while you are there-pray in their home, pray over their home, pray for their family. BLESS THEM. Be a blessing as I have made you a blessing." As the Lord is giving me these directions, I wonder if my physical body is going to burst from experiencing the fullness of His love for them. He loves them so much and wants them to be able to accept His love. I must say this does bring a new dimension to the scripture that says, "...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31) You know, they are our "neighbor" too-remember that message & conversation??? This will be an opportunity for us to match this knowledge with our actions and live out the Word.
So, now, having the answer, I begin praying & asking for God's favor, and claiming that 'if God be for us, then who can be against us; that the enemy will not prosper; that the Lord will go before us and be our rear guard.' And all the while during this portion of my prayer, I'm very aware that these people, this family is not our enemy but that the Lord is FOR them too. The enemy(ies) that I have been praying against are those mentioned in Ephesians 6:12We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. (this scripture keeps coming back around.) AH-the Lord wants us to fight for them in the spirit. (I think that this situation is an odd way of bringing us to this. God's kingdom is so upside down compared to what we "know" in this world.) As I write this-I am remembering a prophetic word that was spoken over me in 2002. "I have made you to love the unlovely." Because of all that has happened and their roles in this whole thing, I have, many times, considered them "unlovely." UGH- my loving the unlovely is just as much about being Jesus to others as it is about Him showing me how very wrong my perceptions can be about others & the way God sees them and about how much He loves them.
I am highly anticipating the Lord showing up and showing off in many incredible ways.
One last thing~ I think I that we are supposed to take a gift of some sort. How weird is that? This is SO upside down...
This morning, the Lord's joy returns to me during the time I've set aside for Him and I am completely overwhelmed with His love. I'm praising Him, thanking Him and my heart becomes so full. I begin praying over our time with this family tomorrow and His answer comes and I am completely stricken with His love and His grace. He says, "Go to their home, be full of My Holy Spirit, I will go before you and they will know of Me before you get there but it is you, (Jeff & I,)who will take Me to them. I want you to pray for them while you are there-pray in their home, pray over their home, pray for their family. BLESS THEM. Be a blessing as I have made you a blessing." As the Lord is giving me these directions, I wonder if my physical body is going to burst from experiencing the fullness of His love for them. He loves them so much and wants them to be able to accept His love. I must say this does bring a new dimension to the scripture that says, "...whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." (1 Corinthians 10:31) You know, they are our "neighbor" too-remember that message & conversation??? This will be an opportunity for us to match this knowledge with our actions and live out the Word.
So, now, having the answer, I begin praying & asking for God's favor, and claiming that 'if God be for us, then who can be against us; that the enemy will not prosper; that the Lord will go before us and be our rear guard.' And all the while during this portion of my prayer, I'm very aware that these people, this family is not our enemy but that the Lord is FOR them too. The enemy(ies) that I have been praying against are those mentioned in Ephesians 6:12We are not fighting against humans. We are fighting against forces and authorities and against rulers of darkness and powers in the spiritual world. (this scripture keeps coming back around.) AH-the Lord wants us to fight for them in the spirit. (I think that this situation is an odd way of bringing us to this. God's kingdom is so upside down compared to what we "know" in this world.) As I write this-I am remembering a prophetic word that was spoken over me in 2002. "I have made you to love the unlovely." Because of all that has happened and their roles in this whole thing, I have, many times, considered them "unlovely." UGH- my loving the unlovely is just as much about being Jesus to others as it is about Him showing me how very wrong my perceptions can be about others & the way God sees them and about how much He loves them.
I am highly anticipating the Lord showing up and showing off in many incredible ways.
One last thing~ I think I that we are supposed to take a gift of some sort. How weird is that? This is SO upside down...
Friday, March 13, 2009
There is a solution. . .
Today, someone spoke to me, "There is a solution, God has a solution for you." She was speaking of a second area that I am fasting about-my job. I'm claiming this. For some reason her words held power of hope and, even freedom. It felt so strange. I guess I had not realized the oppression that I had chosen to live under. I'm incredibly hopeful...something I hadn't been in touch with for quite a while as "duty" has ruled everything for some time.
In an earlier post, I spoke of unwanted visitors. There has been movement in that area. Can I say that it is so very strange to not have the intense tension in our home?? It shouldn't be-but it is unfamiliar. I'm not saying all is solved; all that we need to work through is worked through; that all we need to learn is learned; all that we need to change is changed. But I think we've taken one step in that direction. I am hopeful in this area as well...
********************************************************************************** On that note, I'd like to ask for prayer. I've talked with a counselor who works with adolescence & am very optimistic about this. I'd like to "know that I know" that this is the right choice. This will be quite pricey on the front side, so, also that we will have all we need to cover the cost of this. I have a peace about it, but feel I need confirmation of some sort-don't know why.
Also, Jeff & I will be meeting with Kirk (the 20 yr old) and his parents on Sunday. I'm even feeling hopeful & confident about this. ( I would really like to hold on to these for the next 2 days!) We will need the Holy Spirit, grace, wisdom, favor, peace, courage, strength, guidance, the Holy Spirit, truth, a willingness to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and...the Holy Spirit.
Thank you ladies-I cannot say thank you enough. It has been an honor to be connected with you in this way. I hope that all is well with you and that you are finding a deeper place in your relationships with the Lord than you have known to this point.
In an earlier post, I spoke of unwanted visitors. There has been movement in that area. Can I say that it is so very strange to not have the intense tension in our home?? It shouldn't be-but it is unfamiliar. I'm not saying all is solved; all that we need to work through is worked through; that all we need to learn is learned; all that we need to change is changed. But I think we've taken one step in that direction. I am hopeful in this area as well...
********************************************************************************** On that note, I'd like to ask for prayer. I've talked with a counselor who works with adolescence & am very optimistic about this. I'd like to "know that I know" that this is the right choice. This will be quite pricey on the front side, so, also that we will have all we need to cover the cost of this. I have a peace about it, but feel I need confirmation of some sort-don't know why.
Also, Jeff & I will be meeting with Kirk (the 20 yr old) and his parents on Sunday. I'm even feeling hopeful & confident about this. ( I would really like to hold on to these for the next 2 days!) We will need the Holy Spirit, grace, wisdom, favor, peace, courage, strength, guidance, the Holy Spirit, truth, a willingness to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and...the Holy Spirit.
Thank you ladies-I cannot say thank you enough. It has been an honor to be connected with you in this way. I hope that all is well with you and that you are finding a deeper place in your relationships with the Lord than you have known to this point.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My first Blog aren't we so proud LOL
As I started this and the fast was explained I wanted to do it but not to just jump on that band wagon. I wanted to do it because this was what the Lord was calling me to. I thought about what I wanted from him and really off and on lately I had been fasting on my own. But this seemed like it was going to be something significant. I wanted some clarity and some direction. Some peace and to just draw closer to him. I woke up one morning and it was like today we start. Ok Lord here we go. I think that was two weeks ago now. From Sun up to Sun down. So I did and at first I thought I was doing it for you guys because when Kristi first told us about all this I heard 21 days. I thought but they are all doing it for 40 so are you sure?? I heard it again 21 days before Easter. I was ok with that but the next morning it was like today we fast. So in my mind that meant I was fasting for you guys. Silly silly me. The Lord has been real clear on my journey and how I am to do this. Before I even read the food list for the Daniel fast I heard the lord say no meat for the 21 days. He said fruits and veggies. I asked if I needed to follow the Daniel fast and he said no just no meat. Then on the last three days before Easter I am to do a total fast. Which is going to require me to be totally into what he is doing in order for me to do it.
The Lord has already been faithful and shown me a lot about the relationship I was in. And he has been telling me for a while he is calling me to discover somethings. I have to learn how to love better and not so much other people but myself. I give so much and I really hate being selfish. I was brought up and told all my life I was selfish that doing things I wanted to do was selfish. That others are to come before me always and I am not to say no. I need to think of others feelings above my own. Really what I want is being selfish. To want things is self-centered. God doesn't call us to be happy he calls us to be obedient. He calls us to give our lives for others. This is what I was taught growing up. I am not to worry about myself. This isn't totally wrong but the way I was taught it was like I shouldn't matter. I have no boundaries and I have no clue how to use them or how to see when someone has crossed it until I am so hurt and angry I have no choice but to see. As Denisha said I am a woman who loves to much.
I am thankful to the Lord and what he is teaching me. Today I was reminded of two story's one was the man who wanted to join Jesus and he asked what he should do. The Lord told him to go sell all he had and come follow him. The man couldn't do it. That is about where his heart was. Looking at that I have to think about where is my heart? When things come up I think that is the question God is asking me. Then I thought about Abraham when God asked him to give up his son. He was testing his heart in that. He really didn't want him to kill his son. He wanted his heart. I think with this fast for me God is asking do you trust me. With every step I have to take with this. Where is your heart is it really for me?? We say a lot how we want more of the Lord and every time we want more it means it will cost us more. So this big fast is a price to pay and I can say my heart is in it. I am all in.
The Lord has already been faithful and shown me a lot about the relationship I was in. And he has been telling me for a while he is calling me to discover somethings. I have to learn how to love better and not so much other people but myself. I give so much and I really hate being selfish. I was brought up and told all my life I was selfish that doing things I wanted to do was selfish. That others are to come before me always and I am not to say no. I need to think of others feelings above my own. Really what I want is being selfish. To want things is self-centered. God doesn't call us to be happy he calls us to be obedient. He calls us to give our lives for others. This is what I was taught growing up. I am not to worry about myself. This isn't totally wrong but the way I was taught it was like I shouldn't matter. I have no boundaries and I have no clue how to use them or how to see when someone has crossed it until I am so hurt and angry I have no choice but to see. As Denisha said I am a woman who loves to much.
I am thankful to the Lord and what he is teaching me. Today I was reminded of two story's one was the man who wanted to join Jesus and he asked what he should do. The Lord told him to go sell all he had and come follow him. The man couldn't do it. That is about where his heart was. Looking at that I have to think about where is my heart? When things come up I think that is the question God is asking me. Then I thought about Abraham when God asked him to give up his son. He was testing his heart in that. He really didn't want him to kill his son. He wanted his heart. I think with this fast for me God is asking do you trust me. With every step I have to take with this. Where is your heart is it really for me?? We say a lot how we want more of the Lord and every time we want more it means it will cost us more. So this big fast is a price to pay and I can say my heart is in it. I am all in.
Response to Kristi's
I'm doing ok. I'm just living life and doing the fast at the same time. I figure it will have it's work even if I don't see it as it happens. The Lord has spoken things to me but at this point I'm not focused on the fast part of it and pursuing Him concerning it (unless of course I'm struggling with food---then I'm talking to Him about it but I'm not talking to Him about what He wants me to do, see, etc. because of the fast. The fast is just there kinda like my 5 loaves and 2 fish and then the rest I'm leaving up to Him. I know Patti told me before they started New Hope they use to as an elder team fast together quite a bit. She said sometimes some wonderful things happened and then other times it would appear absolutely nothing would happen. She said that things did happen or were set in motion in the spritual realm, they just couldn't see it or weren't aware of it. That helped me to just relax and be obedient. I just do the fast and He will do the rest. That is where I am.
3rd week
This is the middle of my 3rd week. I'm really having a hard time engaging. I don't know if it is because I had some preconceived notions about how this was going to go, if I'm becoming apathetic, or if I'm just being a bit lazy b/c I have one child home this week for spring break and will have the other two home next week. IDK. Maybe it is all of the above.
I'm curious*****where is everyone else at with thier fast?
I'm curious*****where is everyone else at with thier fast?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Blah Blah Blah
These past 2 days have been tough. My box is very small these days and my flesh is screaming for an escape even if just for an hour or two. It seems along with food, the Lord has me cornered in almost every area of my life....and to be honest....I don't like it one bit. I'm trying to cooperate and stay still but it has been hard. Lots of tears these past few days. Feeling rather lost. It feels really old. I'm sure it is old and all those things are what keep me from feeling it and keep me from dealing with it and ultimately getting free from it all. The Lord has been close by and is speaking to me which makes it bearable and worth it. So, I guess it isn't completely dark. My spirit knows good things are coming. I am hopeful and excited but not enjoying this part. I've been reading the blog but didn't want to make the effort to write something. Too hard. This is my effort. Not real deep...but there it is. Joy comes in the morning.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Unwanted Visitors
How can I thank you enough, my friends & prayer warriors. Last week's breakdown was one of the worst yet, but I did not feel alone. I knew that your prayers went before me (us). What a priceless treasure that is-one I wouldn't trade for anything that this world has to offer. It is these friendships that makes me wealthy. I'm praying we are close to breakthrough with this.
From a different perspective...Sunday morning as I began praying for Bri, the Lord prompted me to pick up my Power of a Praying Parent book by Stormy Omartian. I usually pick it up a few times throughout a year and pray through it. As I began to use the prayer for the day I began to get some incredible discernement about the things that were surrounding our daughter and influencing her. The prayer for that morning included things that I had been praying for her already before I picked it up but my eyes were opened up as I continued to pray. I started to see the unwanted visitors that had a hold of her-they were unwanted, but she had invited them into her life by various means. I'm speaking of the "visitors" that Ephesians 6 speaks of: 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Thier names were deciet, manipulation, lying, selfishness, jealousy, etc. This is where the shift happened for me. Because God chose to give her to us for a time to raise, He also gave us authority over her. Also, Jesus gave me/us authority "over all the power of the enemy..." (Luke 10:19) These visitors certainly are of the enemy. I chose to access the authority given to me by Jesus. As I did this, in my mind's eye, I saw a picture of the soldiers from the enemy's camp begining to fall asleep. So I began to pray that way-that they would stand down, that they would fall asleep and become completely unaware of any of the work from the Lord making it's way to Brianna. So that, when Brianna was in and/or exposed to the Lord's word and those words were entering into her thoughts they would be able to make it through to her heart without these visitors raising up defenses through Brianna's offenses towards it and other things that will truly benefit her.
I call them "visitors" because they will not be allowed to stay. They will be replaced with truth, righteousness, humility, gratitude, joy, peace, a teachable spirit, etc.
I just needed to remember my station (and need to continue to remember)
From a different perspective...Sunday morning as I began praying for Bri, the Lord prompted me to pick up my Power of a Praying Parent book by Stormy Omartian. I usually pick it up a few times throughout a year and pray through it. As I began to use the prayer for the day I began to get some incredible discernement about the things that were surrounding our daughter and influencing her. The prayer for that morning included things that I had been praying for her already before I picked it up but my eyes were opened up as I continued to pray. I started to see the unwanted visitors that had a hold of her-they were unwanted, but she had invited them into her life by various means. I'm speaking of the "visitors" that Ephesians 6 speaks of: 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Thier names were deciet, manipulation, lying, selfishness, jealousy, etc. This is where the shift happened for me. Because God chose to give her to us for a time to raise, He also gave us authority over her. Also, Jesus gave me/us authority "over all the power of the enemy..." (Luke 10:19) These visitors certainly are of the enemy. I chose to access the authority given to me by Jesus. As I did this, in my mind's eye, I saw a picture of the soldiers from the enemy's camp begining to fall asleep. So I began to pray that way-that they would stand down, that they would fall asleep and become completely unaware of any of the work from the Lord making it's way to Brianna. So that, when Brianna was in and/or exposed to the Lord's word and those words were entering into her thoughts they would be able to make it through to her heart without these visitors raising up defenses through Brianna's offenses towards it and other things that will truly benefit her.
I call them "visitors" because they will not be allowed to stay. They will be replaced with truth, righteousness, humility, gratitude, joy, peace, a teachable spirit, etc.
I just needed to remember my station (and need to continue to remember)
fasting day 5- karen (wastefulness)
i've come to the end of my first ever spiritual fast...with a little lesson on wastefulness. on thursday night i was hit with some, um, how can i put this delicately?..."lower intestinal issues."
my plan before this happened was to go running, so i decided to use the bathroom real quick and then get my running clothes on. well, 30 minutes later i'm still in the bathroom expelling my weight in waste.
it made me think of wastefulness.
wasteful thinking that clogs my mind...wasteful eating that distracts...and materialistic wastefulness that clutters my physical space. all of this takes me away from the presence of God.
this fast has brought me a new level of awareness- without being condemning. i've become aware of how powerful and energizing my quiet time can be. i've become aware of how i've used food to distract me (proverbs 31:27 "she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness") and how i've sometimes used food as an emotional crutch. i've become aware of a deeper and more fruitful connection with the group of women i'm fasting with. i've become aware of something worldly i need to let go of. i've become aware of how much i enjoy journaling.
i really feel God guiding me towards "simple". "do not worry. i give you all that you need."
my plan before this happened was to go running, so i decided to use the bathroom real quick and then get my running clothes on. well, 30 minutes later i'm still in the bathroom expelling my weight in waste.
it made me think of wastefulness.
wasteful thinking that clogs my mind...wasteful eating that distracts...and materialistic wastefulness that clutters my physical space. all of this takes me away from the presence of God.
this fast has brought me a new level of awareness- without being condemning. i've become aware of how powerful and energizing my quiet time can be. i've become aware of how i've used food to distract me (proverbs 31:27 "she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness") and how i've sometimes used food as an emotional crutch. i've become aware of a deeper and more fruitful connection with the group of women i'm fasting with. i've become aware of something worldly i need to let go of. i've become aware of how much i enjoy journaling.
i really feel God guiding me towards "simple". "do not worry. i give you all that you need."
Friday, March 6, 2009
Time to get tough
Ok time to suit up-the tension is thick. Ephesisans 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. F0r our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth...the breastplate of righteousness...and with feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is God's word. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
We had a tough nite with our daughter-you know the situation. This is one of the things I am fasting for breakthrough for. I need to remember the scripture above and be angry at the enemy & not our daughter-I'm not doing so great with this right now. I want to be really, really mad at her. Right now I can't get past how what she has done has had a horrible impact on everyone else-especially me. I must be praying in the spirit now, not looking with my fleshly eyes, and I need those linking shields-I find myself not even wanting to pray...
We had a tough nite with our daughter-you know the situation. This is one of the things I am fasting for breakthrough for. I need to remember the scripture above and be angry at the enemy & not our daughter-I'm not doing so great with this right now. I want to be really, really mad at her. Right now I can't get past how what she has done has had a horrible impact on everyone else-especially me. I must be praying in the spirit now, not looking with my fleshly eyes, and I need those linking shields-I find myself not even wanting to pray...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
On a lighter note....I didn't know that much stuff could come out of one person!! I think things from when I was 4 years old are coming out of me!! It had to be said!! lol. You know it is true...just nobody wants to admit it!! My body doesn't know what to do with all the fruit and vegetables. My body thinks I've lost my mind....and I guess in some ways I have. I was in line behind a guy at Lubys today and he had chicken fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and pie. My brain was very focused on his tray and was asking me, "Why, why....why are you doing this??" I began to explain to my brain that the zucchini, salad and yellow squash on my plate was sooo much better tasting than the stuff on his plate. My brain told me I was crazy and a LIAR!! My GI system is rebelling and is rather lost. Oh well....life is good...and so was the squash!!
Design
During my quiet time this morning, I was reading in My Utmost for His Highest and a book by Max Lucado. Some of this is excerpted from that reading, but most is from my heart that I wanted to share:
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Explanation
I wanted to let everyone know that when I registered to join you guys, it automatically brought up "Terry and Denisha". I think I had previously registered so to write on someone's blog so it brought up our previous entry. Terry is not involved nor is he reading any of this. The site did it on it's own. Sorry about that. Last night was a hard night for me. Terry and I got in an argument and I noticed how I went straight to the kitchen but then remembered I couldn't do what I normally would do. Instead I read an article that I had previously read that has to do with how God takes away so to establish something new and better. It talks about how anytime God would give someone a vision (for ex: Joseph, Moses, Abraham, David etc.) it was always followed by a time of darkness because in God's kingdom darkness comes first, and then the morning. When He did creation, it says and it was evening and then light and that was the first day, etc. When He created the world, first there was darkness and God said let there be light. Darkness was first. Life comes from death. We say morning and then night but God always starts with the darkness. The promise of morning is in the darkness. He does this so He can establish something better. It was good because although my flesh was screaming out, my spirit was encouraged. I got through it. Joy comes in the morning.
fasting day 3- karen
i am humbled by God's love. today i have a renewed sense of closeness with Him. the hunger is a constant reminder of how much i need Him.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
Becoming...
Emotionalism- I am just contemplating...
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
You are not alone...
From my devotional yesterday...
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You are not alone. The Lord is standing next to you. He cares. Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).
This gives me such a sense of peace knowing the Lord is ALWAYS there, maybe sometimes it scares me a bit too because it reminds me he sees everything! "I'm never alone", what an awesome feeling to know He is always there, right beside me, sometimes carrying me. These feelings I'm experiencing are somewhat overwhelming but splendid at the same time. I mentioned last night that my husband Jeff will be traveling through the end of he month and usually I get a little depressed knowing he'll be gone but I can honestly say even though I will miss him terribly I haven't experienced that sad, depressed feeling that usually overcomes me several days before he travels. Not to mention knowing I have "my girls"! I can't think of anyone other than all of you for a support system, such a comfort for me.
Today has been such an amazing day! God is so sneaky sometimes. I work with this very sweet girl, she is a Christian through and through well today she told me she had something to tell me so she came over to my desk and began by telling me that her & her sister along with their entire church was fasting. I stopped her mid sentence and asked her why she was telling me this and she said she wasn't sure she just wanted to share it with me. I was so amazed, she went on to tell me about the blessings they both have been experiencing during the fast. When she finished I let her know that there was a group of us from my church who also was fasting. We both sat there and just giggled for a minute because it all seemed so odd. Once I explained to her about our fasting she said "for some reason I just wanted to tell you". Anyhow, she then told me about another women she met who also informed her about their church fasting as well. That just goes to prove how God is working through so many of us and how he's making a way for us to find each other. I'm still in awe of how all that came about today but feel so very blessed that we are all a part of it.
"You are not alone"
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
This is day 5 and I'm so aware of how much God loves me and I now believe he wants me to succeed in knowing Him more because I haven't been experiencing the shaking and fatigue. The hunger pangs are minimal which is just so unusual for me. I'm the kind of person who always thinks about food, I think about what I'm eating, what I'd rather be eating and what my next meal is going to be. All I'm focusing on now is listening, I want to hear Him, I spend my days at work listening to worship music "How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker has been one my very favorites lately and several others but that one especially. I felt like I needed something to keep me focused on His love so while I was out this week I found this spinner ring that says "He loves me". I love this ring, it's a small thing but really has been so helpful. It's a constant reminder for me and just magnifies the love.
I don't want to fool myself because I know it could change and I could really start struggling and I want to be prepared when that happens. I feel like all of this is happening in phases for me and this phase I'm enjoying but the next probably won't be as fun. I'm sure that is when the layers will begin to unfold. The emotions I've been experiencing have been joy and awe which brings me to tears but happy tears.
God's love is so amazing and I can't help but think how long I've gone without really knowing it, I won't dwell on that only on the fact that I'm learning what it is to accept it now.
I hope I am doing this correctly. First off, thank you for allowing me to join you guys in this process we are engaging. I just started on Sunday so I'm not that far into it yet. I guess I just want you all to know that food is a huge huge issue for me. Very old stuff attached to it. I have dealt with all the strongholds in my life that I have been aware of thus far (I'm sure there are more that He will show me as I grow) but I've never dealt with the food stronghold. The Lord has me at a place where it is time and I know it. Before, I always attempted to deal with it because I felt guilty or bad that it was there. This time it is different. It is because I truly just want to get anything and everything out of the way that could be a place for more of Him. He knows that in myself, I will fail before I even start. To be honest, I have no idea how I will accomplish what He is requiring so I am so counting on the truth that He will make a way where there is no way. Right now my faith is high....but it has only been 2 1/2 days. lol. I loved reading all of your entries and I love all of your hearts. Thank you for allowing me to participate with you.
Struggling
Ok, so I'm in this all the way...but I am struggling. My body is rebelling against me, not feeling well, light-headed, dizzy, tired, no-energy. And emotionally I'm thinking...what the heck did I sign up for! I've had worship music on all day and have tried to push in towards God, but just having a tough day. I am hearing from God, when I stop and listen. It is so easy to let the stuff of the day, the real life need to get some things done, get in the way. I really don't want this to be about "doing" the fast, but really about being still and knowing HIM. I'm feeling pulled between the necessary things to get done and the desire to just stop the world and sit...
Monday, March 2, 2009
first day- karen
it's 3pm and i'm REALLY hungry. i've had 2 slimfast shakes in a can, coffee and water. i'm feeling a bit light-headed and shaky. and, i'm feeling incredibly aware.
the kids are napping and i just spent some time in worship listening to 2 songs that have been running through my mind all day: "it is you" by the newsboys and "be near" by shane & shane. (i have to pause here to notice that i usually don't do any sort of quiet time while the kids are napping. i wonder why? it's really the perfect time.)
as i was listening and soaking up the songs, i realized that only the word and presence of God can truly nourish me. how is it that i've denied Him for so long? why have i not thrown myself at His feet? why do i continue to want to do this on my own?
the message on sunday was about the parable of the good samaritan. and then this morning i opened up a devotional book i haven't read in months, and guess what the scripture was?
"he bandaged his wounds...the put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. the next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper." luke 10:34-35
umm...hi God, trying to tell me something??
i feel like God is working on me in the area of true friendship. true, go-out-of-my-way, friendship with my friends, my husband, and my family. being thoughtful, taking action- even when it's inconvenient for me. i admit that i'm selfish with my time. it seems hard for me to balance my alone time and my time helping, serving, and just being with others. i need to get over the "i don't feel like it" mentality, especially when i'm feeling tired and withdrawn.
God, forgive me for the times i've avoided others, and when i've deliberately chosen not to help when needed. help me to be a true friend...to take action and to serve others with all that i have. help me to also find rest and refuge in you- fill me up so that i can bless others, having a cheerful attitude. help me to live in an abundant-based perspective, rather than in scarcity. help me to communicate honestly and from the heart so that i can relate to others in an authentic way.
above all, be near. my life is nothing without you. so why am i resistant in giving you everything?
the kids are napping and i just spent some time in worship listening to 2 songs that have been running through my mind all day: "it is you" by the newsboys and "be near" by shane & shane. (i have to pause here to notice that i usually don't do any sort of quiet time while the kids are napping. i wonder why? it's really the perfect time.)
as i was listening and soaking up the songs, i realized that only the word and presence of God can truly nourish me. how is it that i've denied Him for so long? why have i not thrown myself at His feet? why do i continue to want to do this on my own?
the message on sunday was about the parable of the good samaritan. and then this morning i opened up a devotional book i haven't read in months, and guess what the scripture was?
"he bandaged his wounds...the put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. the next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper." luke 10:34-35
umm...hi God, trying to tell me something??
i feel like God is working on me in the area of true friendship. true, go-out-of-my-way, friendship with my friends, my husband, and my family. being thoughtful, taking action- even when it's inconvenient for me. i admit that i'm selfish with my time. it seems hard for me to balance my alone time and my time helping, serving, and just being with others. i need to get over the "i don't feel like it" mentality, especially when i'm feeling tired and withdrawn.
God, forgive me for the times i've avoided others, and when i've deliberately chosen not to help when needed. help me to be a true friend...to take action and to serve others with all that i have. help me to also find rest and refuge in you- fill me up so that i can bless others, having a cheerful attitude. help me to live in an abundant-based perspective, rather than in scarcity. help me to communicate honestly and from the heart so that i can relate to others in an authentic way.
above all, be near. my life is nothing without you. so why am i resistant in giving you everything?
His beauty...
Driving in this morning I was able to glimpse God's beauty in the world, what a lovely sight it was. As the sun was coming up I was in my morning conversation with him and it seemed like every time I asked him to come into my heart (which I ask a lot these days) I would see a bird fly by or see the wind blowing a tree or a flag. It was amazing being able to relish in his presence. I'm definitely feeling very raw during this fast, very emotional and very much aware of right and wrong.
I know exactly what I'm asking for but I'm not sure how to ask for it or if I'm asking for the right thing. I also know this fast isn't the change being dropped into a vending machine and I feel myself struggling with what or who will come out of it all in the end.
Just being able to go back to the excitement of watching the birds and seeing the trees and the beautiful blue sky is breakthrough at this point and I'll continue to bask in His beauty and take it one day at a time.
I know exactly what I'm asking for but I'm not sure how to ask for it or if I'm asking for the right thing. I also know this fast isn't the change being dropped into a vending machine and I feel myself struggling with what or who will come out of it all in the end.
Just being able to go back to the excitement of watching the birds and seeing the trees and the beautiful blue sky is breakthrough at this point and I'll continue to bask in His beauty and take it one day at a time.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
First Days...
Day 4:Finally, I'm beginning to become desperate for the Lord's presence. I'm in love & don't want the time with Him to end...
Day 5: Early-beginning to get weepy, broken & humble...my favorite place to be. The Lord is sweet to me...
Day 6: Thankful for the Lord's goodness, for His protection, His creativity, His beautiful creation, that He gives me senses to enjoy the works of His hands, for the time with Bri
Day 7:I'm in love-my heart cries holy....
More than a week ago the scripture Psalm 31:8 opened my eyes to a wrong perspective I had. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
Early this week- Psalm 35:1-3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.Lift up your spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
This reavealed a wrong perception that I didn't realize I had that I believed that the Lord would come to anyone else's aid who was in trouble. But, when it came to me, it was as if He expected me to win all of my battles alone while He was present, but from afar. I never doubt God's ability, but doubted His "want to" when it came to me. Yet again today the title of my devo is "The Lord Shall Fight For You!" This is noteable the place He is beginning with me.
Day 5: Early-beginning to get weepy, broken & humble...my favorite place to be. The Lord is sweet to me...
Day 6: Thankful for the Lord's goodness, for His protection, His creativity, His beautiful creation, that He gives me senses to enjoy the works of His hands, for the time with Bri
Day 7:I'm in love-my heart cries holy....
More than a week ago the scripture Psalm 31:8 opened my eyes to a wrong perspective I had. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
Early this week- Psalm 35:1-3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.Lift up your spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
This reavealed a wrong perception that I didn't realize I had that I believed that the Lord would come to anyone else's aid who was in trouble. But, when it came to me, it was as if He expected me to win all of my battles alone while He was present, but from afar. I never doubt God's ability, but doubted His "want to" when it came to me. Yet again today the title of my devo is "The Lord Shall Fight For You!" This is noteable the place He is beginning with me.
Tori's Thoughts
Ok, I am engaging this process and a little nervous about it. I have felt drawn to fasting and often feel defeated because I'm not doing it "right"...I know there is no right or wrong, but that is how I've felt. I am engaging the Daniel Fast for the duration of Lent. It has weighed on my heart and mind since Kristi mentioned it on Wed night...maybe a clue?
The why: I really am drawn to something I read this week and very challenged by it. It is the Nov 25th devotional from My Utmost for His Highest and I include it here:
Natural human love expects something in return. But Paul is saying, "It doesn’t really matter to me whether you love me or not. I am willing to be completely destitute anyway; willing to be poverty-stricken, not just for your sakes, but also that I may be able to get you to God." "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor . . ." ( 2 Corinthians 8:9 ). And Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s. He did not care how high the cost was to himself— he would gladly pay it. It was a joyful thing to Paul.
The institutional church’s idea of a ser
vant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ’s idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others. Jesus Christ actually "out-socialized" the socialists. He said that in His kingdom the greatest one would be the servant of all (see Matthew 23:11 ). The real test of a saint is not one’s willingness to preach the gospel, but one’s willingness to do something like washing the disciples’ feet— that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God. It was Paul’s delight to spend his life for God’s interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. But before we will serve, we stop to ponder our personal and financial concerns— "What if God wants me to go over there? And what about my salary? What is the climate like there? Who will take care of me? A person must consider all these things." All that is an indication that we have reservations about serving God. But the apostle Paul had no conditions or reservations. Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ’s idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others.
This last part in particular hit me. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others? Am I willing to be identified with (suffer like?) the crucifixtion of Jesus, giving up His life for others? Am I willing to serve with NO RESERVATIONS? I know I am called to DTS at YWAM, but I want to be fully prepared even now to be of service to God in each area of my life. I want to be fully engaged with no reservations. I know I have been moving toward that, but want to be fully sold-out and prepared to serve in whatever way, place, etc that God calls me to. I want breakthrough in the areas that I am hesitant or lack faith. One particular area is finances. I have faith that God will take care of the finances needed to attend the school, but I am concerned about where I am financially now and desire to be in line with God's desires for my finances. I want a better understanding and wisdom about how to be a good steward financially. And I desire to break free of the poverty mentality of "there is never enough". I know my Father "owns the cattle on a thousand hills", but I don't think I truly believe that He would sell those for me. Hopefully this makes sense.
Ok, this got really long, so sorry for that. Let me know where all the rest of you are and I will be agreeing with you and lifting you up. I love this community of believers and love how God is bringing us all to a similar place. I'm loving watching Him work in our lives!
Love you all,
Tori
The why: I really am drawn to something I read this week and very challenged by it. It is the Nov 25th devotional from My Utmost for His Highest and I include it here:
Natural human love expects something in return. But Paul is saying, "It doesn’t really matter to me whether you love me or not. I am willing to be completely destitute anyway; willing to be poverty-stricken, not just for your sakes, but also that I may be able to get you to God." "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor . . ." ( 2 Corinthians 8:9 ). And Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s. He did not care how high the cost was to himself— he would gladly pay it. It was a joyful thing to Paul.
The institutional church’s idea of a ser
vant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ’s idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others. Jesus Christ actually "out-socialized" the socialists. He said that in His kingdom the greatest one would be the servant of all (see Matthew 23:11 ). The real test of a saint is not one’s willingness to preach the gospel, but one’s willingness to do something like washing the disciples’ feet— that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God. It was Paul’s delight to spend his life for God’s interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. But before we will serve, we stop to ponder our personal and financial concerns— "What if God wants me to go over there? And what about my salary? What is the climate like there? Who will take care of me? A person must consider all these things." All that is an indication that we have reservations about serving God. But the apostle Paul had no conditions or reservations. Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ’s idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others.
This last part in particular hit me. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others? Am I willing to be identified with (suffer like?) the crucifixtion of Jesus, giving up His life for others? Am I willing to serve with NO RESERVATIONS? I know I am called to DTS at YWAM, but I want to be fully prepared even now to be of service to God in each area of my life. I want to be fully engaged with no reservations. I know I have been moving toward that, but want to be fully sold-out and prepared to serve in whatever way, place, etc that God calls me to. I want breakthrough in the areas that I am hesitant or lack faith. One particular area is finances. I have faith that God will take care of the finances needed to attend the school, but I am concerned about where I am financially now and desire to be in line with God's desires for my finances. I want a better understanding and wisdom about how to be a good steward financially. And I desire to break free of the poverty mentality of "there is never enough". I know my Father "owns the cattle on a thousand hills", but I don't think I truly believe that He would sell those for me. Hopefully this makes sense.
Ok, this got really long, so sorry for that. Let me know where all the rest of you are and I will be agreeing with you and lifting you up. I love this community of believers and love how God is bringing us all to a similar place. I'm loving watching Him work in our lives!
Love you all,
Tori
getting started
i've taken some time this weekend to pray and think about my fast. i'm copying from my notes from my quiet time on friday afternoon:
2/27/09...feeling very strong about fasting
why? to feel more of God's presence and voice, to do something to actively engage and invite Him in. to gain clarity around a decision for later this year.
when? this coming week, monday thru friday. the first week of march. this is very symbolic, as i realize that it's been exactly 1 year since the Quest weekend.
how? how can i fast AND continue running? by eating healthier. use food as fuel. fresh fruits and veggies, smoothies. do liquids for 2 meals (breakfast & lunch), then eat a healthy dinner at night.
what? daily time of worship and prayer. some scriptures that came to mind to meditate on now and during my fast:
2 chron 7:14...humble myself and seek and pray His face and turn from my wicked ways.
matt 6:16-18...do not look somber (or boast) or make it obvious (that i'm fasting).
prov 15...a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger (call on God when parenting and teaching)
2/27/09...feeling very strong about fasting
why? to feel more of God's presence and voice, to do something to actively engage and invite Him in. to gain clarity around a decision for later this year.
when? this coming week, monday thru friday. the first week of march. this is very symbolic, as i realize that it's been exactly 1 year since the Quest weekend.
how? how can i fast AND continue running? by eating healthier. use food as fuel. fresh fruits and veggies, smoothies. do liquids for 2 meals (breakfast & lunch), then eat a healthy dinner at night.
what? daily time of worship and prayer. some scriptures that came to mind to meditate on now and during my fast:
2 chron 7:14...humble myself and seek and pray His face and turn from my wicked ways.
matt 6:16-18...do not look somber (or boast) or make it obvious (that i'm fasting).
prov 15...a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger (call on God when parenting and teaching)
Complete Immersion
To be IMMERSED in God’s presence, in His all consuming being, completely surrounding me and not being aware of anything else but Him…that is where I want to be.
I want to be turned “inside out.” Our person is made up of 3 parts-Spirit (the part that communes with the Lord), Soul (our mind, will & emotions), Flesh (our body). Often we live “in” our flesh, directed by our souls (thoughts, desires & will). Fasting turns that “inside out” and we choose to allow our spirit to be more closely in tune with God’s Holy Spirit & choose to live “in” the spirit, allowing His Spirit to guide us.
This last year has been intense-just can’t seem to breakthrough. My motivation for committing this time to fasting, praying and wholeheartedly seeking the Lord is not simply to see change in these 3 areas of my life, but to breakthrough to a new level in my relationship with the Lord. I want more of Him. I need more of Him. I desire to intimately know what is on His heart about my life, about my family’s life and my wrong ways of thinking -as much as He is willing to reveal.
Jeremiah 29: 12-14 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…
More than anything, seeking His kingdom first is of the utmost priority, and then all the other things will fall into place as they should, while all the time I’m getting out of the way of the One who knows how to orchestrate our lives within His purposes better than I do.
I want to be turned “inside out.” Our person is made up of 3 parts-Spirit (the part that communes with the Lord), Soul (our mind, will & emotions), Flesh (our body). Often we live “in” our flesh, directed by our souls (thoughts, desires & will). Fasting turns that “inside out” and we choose to allow our spirit to be more closely in tune with God’s Holy Spirit & choose to live “in” the spirit, allowing His Spirit to guide us.
This last year has been intense-just can’t seem to breakthrough. My motivation for committing this time to fasting, praying and wholeheartedly seeking the Lord is not simply to see change in these 3 areas of my life, but to breakthrough to a new level in my relationship with the Lord. I want more of Him. I need more of Him. I desire to intimately know what is on His heart about my life, about my family’s life and my wrong ways of thinking -as much as He is willing to reveal.
Jeremiah 29: 12-14 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…
More than anything, seeking His kingdom first is of the utmost priority, and then all the other things will fall into place as they should, while all the time I’m getting out of the way of the One who knows how to orchestrate our lives within His purposes better than I do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)