Ok time to suit up-the tension is thick. Ephesisans 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. F0r our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth...the breastplate of righteousness...and with feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is God's word. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
We had a tough nite with our daughter-you know the situation. This is one of the things I am fasting for breakthrough for. I need to remember the scripture above and be angry at the enemy & not our daughter-I'm not doing so great with this right now. I want to be really, really mad at her. Right now I can't get past how what she has done has had a horrible impact on everyone else-especially me. I must be praying in the spirit now, not looking with my fleshly eyes, and I need those linking shields-I find myself not even wanting to pray...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
On a lighter note....I didn't know that much stuff could come out of one person!! I think things from when I was 4 years old are coming out of me!! It had to be said!! lol. You know it is true...just nobody wants to admit it!! My body doesn't know what to do with all the fruit and vegetables. My body thinks I've lost my mind....and I guess in some ways I have. I was in line behind a guy at Lubys today and he had chicken fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and pie. My brain was very focused on his tray and was asking me, "Why, why....why are you doing this??" I began to explain to my brain that the zucchini, salad and yellow squash on my plate was sooo much better tasting than the stuff on his plate. My brain told me I was crazy and a LIAR!! My GI system is rebelling and is rather lost. Oh well....life is good...and so was the squash!!
Design
During my quiet time this morning, I was reading in My Utmost for His Highest and a book by Max Lucado. Some of this is excerpted from that reading, but most is from my heart that I wanted to share:
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Explanation
I wanted to let everyone know that when I registered to join you guys, it automatically brought up "Terry and Denisha". I think I had previously registered so to write on someone's blog so it brought up our previous entry. Terry is not involved nor is he reading any of this. The site did it on it's own. Sorry about that. Last night was a hard night for me. Terry and I got in an argument and I noticed how I went straight to the kitchen but then remembered I couldn't do what I normally would do. Instead I read an article that I had previously read that has to do with how God takes away so to establish something new and better. It talks about how anytime God would give someone a vision (for ex: Joseph, Moses, Abraham, David etc.) it was always followed by a time of darkness because in God's kingdom darkness comes first, and then the morning. When He did creation, it says and it was evening and then light and that was the first day, etc. When He created the world, first there was darkness and God said let there be light. Darkness was first. Life comes from death. We say morning and then night but God always starts with the darkness. The promise of morning is in the darkness. He does this so He can establish something better. It was good because although my flesh was screaming out, my spirit was encouraged. I got through it. Joy comes in the morning.
fasting day 3- karen
i am humbled by God's love. today i have a renewed sense of closeness with Him. the hunger is a constant reminder of how much i need Him.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
Becoming...
Emotionalism- I am just contemplating...
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
You are not alone...
From my devotional yesterday...
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You are not alone. The Lord is standing next to you. He cares. Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).
This gives me such a sense of peace knowing the Lord is ALWAYS there, maybe sometimes it scares me a bit too because it reminds me he sees everything! "I'm never alone", what an awesome feeling to know He is always there, right beside me, sometimes carrying me. These feelings I'm experiencing are somewhat overwhelming but splendid at the same time. I mentioned last night that my husband Jeff will be traveling through the end of he month and usually I get a little depressed knowing he'll be gone but I can honestly say even though I will miss him terribly I haven't experienced that sad, depressed feeling that usually overcomes me several days before he travels. Not to mention knowing I have "my girls"! I can't think of anyone other than all of you for a support system, such a comfort for me.
Today has been such an amazing day! God is so sneaky sometimes. I work with this very sweet girl, she is a Christian through and through well today she told me she had something to tell me so she came over to my desk and began by telling me that her & her sister along with their entire church was fasting. I stopped her mid sentence and asked her why she was telling me this and she said she wasn't sure she just wanted to share it with me. I was so amazed, she went on to tell me about the blessings they both have been experiencing during the fast. When she finished I let her know that there was a group of us from my church who also was fasting. We both sat there and just giggled for a minute because it all seemed so odd. Once I explained to her about our fasting she said "for some reason I just wanted to tell you". Anyhow, she then told me about another women she met who also informed her about their church fasting as well. That just goes to prove how God is working through so many of us and how he's making a way for us to find each other. I'm still in awe of how all that came about today but feel so very blessed that we are all a part of it.
"You are not alone"
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
This is day 5 and I'm so aware of how much God loves me and I now believe he wants me to succeed in knowing Him more because I haven't been experiencing the shaking and fatigue. The hunger pangs are minimal which is just so unusual for me. I'm the kind of person who always thinks about food, I think about what I'm eating, what I'd rather be eating and what my next meal is going to be. All I'm focusing on now is listening, I want to hear Him, I spend my days at work listening to worship music "How He Loves Us" by Kim Walker has been one my very favorites lately and several others but that one especially. I felt like I needed something to keep me focused on His love so while I was out this week I found this spinner ring that says "He loves me". I love this ring, it's a small thing but really has been so helpful. It's a constant reminder for me and just magnifies the love.
I don't want to fool myself because I know it could change and I could really start struggling and I want to be prepared when that happens. I feel like all of this is happening in phases for me and this phase I'm enjoying but the next probably won't be as fun. I'm sure that is when the layers will begin to unfold. The emotions I've been experiencing have been joy and awe which brings me to tears but happy tears.
God's love is so amazing and I can't help but think how long I've gone without really knowing it, I won't dwell on that only on the fact that I'm learning what it is to accept it now.
I hope I am doing this correctly. First off, thank you for allowing me to join you guys in this process we are engaging. I just started on Sunday so I'm not that far into it yet. I guess I just want you all to know that food is a huge huge issue for me. Very old stuff attached to it. I have dealt with all the strongholds in my life that I have been aware of thus far (I'm sure there are more that He will show me as I grow) but I've never dealt with the food stronghold. The Lord has me at a place where it is time and I know it. Before, I always attempted to deal with it because I felt guilty or bad that it was there. This time it is different. It is because I truly just want to get anything and everything out of the way that could be a place for more of Him. He knows that in myself, I will fail before I even start. To be honest, I have no idea how I will accomplish what He is requiring so I am so counting on the truth that He will make a way where there is no way. Right now my faith is high....but it has only been 2 1/2 days. lol. I loved reading all of your entries and I love all of your hearts. Thank you for allowing me to participate with you.
Struggling
Ok, so I'm in this all the way...but I am struggling. My body is rebelling against me, not feeling well, light-headed, dizzy, tired, no-energy. And emotionally I'm thinking...what the heck did I sign up for! I've had worship music on all day and have tried to push in towards God, but just having a tough day. I am hearing from God, when I stop and listen. It is so easy to let the stuff of the day, the real life need to get some things done, get in the way. I really don't want this to be about "doing" the fast, but really about being still and knowing HIM. I'm feeling pulled between the necessary things to get done and the desire to just stop the world and sit...
Monday, March 2, 2009
first day- karen
it's 3pm and i'm REALLY hungry. i've had 2 slimfast shakes in a can, coffee and water. i'm feeling a bit light-headed and shaky. and, i'm feeling incredibly aware.
the kids are napping and i just spent some time in worship listening to 2 songs that have been running through my mind all day: "it is you" by the newsboys and "be near" by shane & shane. (i have to pause here to notice that i usually don't do any sort of quiet time while the kids are napping. i wonder why? it's really the perfect time.)
as i was listening and soaking up the songs, i realized that only the word and presence of God can truly nourish me. how is it that i've denied Him for so long? why have i not thrown myself at His feet? why do i continue to want to do this on my own?
the message on sunday was about the parable of the good samaritan. and then this morning i opened up a devotional book i haven't read in months, and guess what the scripture was?
"he bandaged his wounds...the put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. the next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper." luke 10:34-35
umm...hi God, trying to tell me something??
i feel like God is working on me in the area of true friendship. true, go-out-of-my-way, friendship with my friends, my husband, and my family. being thoughtful, taking action- even when it's inconvenient for me. i admit that i'm selfish with my time. it seems hard for me to balance my alone time and my time helping, serving, and just being with others. i need to get over the "i don't feel like it" mentality, especially when i'm feeling tired and withdrawn.
God, forgive me for the times i've avoided others, and when i've deliberately chosen not to help when needed. help me to be a true friend...to take action and to serve others with all that i have. help me to also find rest and refuge in you- fill me up so that i can bless others, having a cheerful attitude. help me to live in an abundant-based perspective, rather than in scarcity. help me to communicate honestly and from the heart so that i can relate to others in an authentic way.
above all, be near. my life is nothing without you. so why am i resistant in giving you everything?
the kids are napping and i just spent some time in worship listening to 2 songs that have been running through my mind all day: "it is you" by the newsboys and "be near" by shane & shane. (i have to pause here to notice that i usually don't do any sort of quiet time while the kids are napping. i wonder why? it's really the perfect time.)
as i was listening and soaking up the songs, i realized that only the word and presence of God can truly nourish me. how is it that i've denied Him for so long? why have i not thrown myself at His feet? why do i continue to want to do this on my own?
the message on sunday was about the parable of the good samaritan. and then this morning i opened up a devotional book i haven't read in months, and guess what the scripture was?
"he bandaged his wounds...the put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. the next day he took out two silver coins and gave them to the innkeeper." luke 10:34-35
umm...hi God, trying to tell me something??
i feel like God is working on me in the area of true friendship. true, go-out-of-my-way, friendship with my friends, my husband, and my family. being thoughtful, taking action- even when it's inconvenient for me. i admit that i'm selfish with my time. it seems hard for me to balance my alone time and my time helping, serving, and just being with others. i need to get over the "i don't feel like it" mentality, especially when i'm feeling tired and withdrawn.
God, forgive me for the times i've avoided others, and when i've deliberately chosen not to help when needed. help me to be a true friend...to take action and to serve others with all that i have. help me to also find rest and refuge in you- fill me up so that i can bless others, having a cheerful attitude. help me to live in an abundant-based perspective, rather than in scarcity. help me to communicate honestly and from the heart so that i can relate to others in an authentic way.
above all, be near. my life is nothing without you. so why am i resistant in giving you everything?
His beauty...
Driving in this morning I was able to glimpse God's beauty in the world, what a lovely sight it was. As the sun was coming up I was in my morning conversation with him and it seemed like every time I asked him to come into my heart (which I ask a lot these days) I would see a bird fly by or see the wind blowing a tree or a flag. It was amazing being able to relish in his presence. I'm definitely feeling very raw during this fast, very emotional and very much aware of right and wrong.
I know exactly what I'm asking for but I'm not sure how to ask for it or if I'm asking for the right thing. I also know this fast isn't the change being dropped into a vending machine and I feel myself struggling with what or who will come out of it all in the end.
Just being able to go back to the excitement of watching the birds and seeing the trees and the beautiful blue sky is breakthrough at this point and I'll continue to bask in His beauty and take it one day at a time.
I know exactly what I'm asking for but I'm not sure how to ask for it or if I'm asking for the right thing. I also know this fast isn't the change being dropped into a vending machine and I feel myself struggling with what or who will come out of it all in the end.
Just being able to go back to the excitement of watching the birds and seeing the trees and the beautiful blue sky is breakthrough at this point and I'll continue to bask in His beauty and take it one day at a time.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
First Days...
Day 4:Finally, I'm beginning to become desperate for the Lord's presence. I'm in love & don't want the time with Him to end...
Day 5: Early-beginning to get weepy, broken & humble...my favorite place to be. The Lord is sweet to me...
Day 6: Thankful for the Lord's goodness, for His protection, His creativity, His beautiful creation, that He gives me senses to enjoy the works of His hands, for the time with Bri
Day 7:I'm in love-my heart cries holy....
More than a week ago the scripture Psalm 31:8 opened my eyes to a wrong perspective I had. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
Early this week- Psalm 35:1-3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.Lift up your spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
This reavealed a wrong perception that I didn't realize I had that I believed that the Lord would come to anyone else's aid who was in trouble. But, when it came to me, it was as if He expected me to win all of my battles alone while He was present, but from afar. I never doubt God's ability, but doubted His "want to" when it came to me. Yet again today the title of my devo is "The Lord Shall Fight For You!" This is noteable the place He is beginning with me.
Day 5: Early-beginning to get weepy, broken & humble...my favorite place to be. The Lord is sweet to me...
Day 6: Thankful for the Lord's goodness, for His protection, His creativity, His beautiful creation, that He gives me senses to enjoy the works of His hands, for the time with Bri
Day 7:I'm in love-my heart cries holy....
More than a week ago the scripture Psalm 31:8 opened my eyes to a wrong perspective I had. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place.
Early this week- Psalm 35:1-3 O Lord, oppose those who oppose me. Fight those who fight against me. Put on your armor, and take up your shield. Prepare for battle, and come to my aid.Lift up your spear and javelin against those who pursue me. Let me hear you say, "I will give you victory!"
This reavealed a wrong perception that I didn't realize I had that I believed that the Lord would come to anyone else's aid who was in trouble. But, when it came to me, it was as if He expected me to win all of my battles alone while He was present, but from afar. I never doubt God's ability, but doubted His "want to" when it came to me. Yet again today the title of my devo is "The Lord Shall Fight For You!" This is noteable the place He is beginning with me.
Tori's Thoughts
Ok, I am engaging this process and a little nervous about it. I have felt drawn to fasting and often feel defeated because I'm not doing it "right"...I know there is no right or wrong, but that is how I've felt. I am engaging the Daniel Fast for the duration of Lent. It has weighed on my heart and mind since Kristi mentioned it on Wed night...maybe a clue?
The why: I really am drawn to something I read this week and very challenged by it. It is the Nov 25th devotional from My Utmost for His Highest and I include it here:
Natural human love expects something in return. But Paul is saying, "It doesn’t really matter to me whether you love me or not. I am willing to be completely destitute anyway; willing to be poverty-stricken, not just for your sakes, but also that I may be able to get you to God." "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor . . ." ( 2 Corinthians 8:9 ). And Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s. He did not care how high the cost was to himself— he would gladly pay it. It was a joyful thing to Paul.
The institutional church’s idea of a ser
vant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ’s idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others. Jesus Christ actually "out-socialized" the socialists. He said that in His kingdom the greatest one would be the servant of all (see Matthew 23:11 ). The real test of a saint is not one’s willingness to preach the gospel, but one’s willingness to do something like washing the disciples’ feet— that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God. It was Paul’s delight to spend his life for God’s interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. But before we will serve, we stop to ponder our personal and financial concerns— "What if God wants me to go over there? And what about my salary? What is the climate like there? Who will take care of me? A person must consider all these things." All that is an indication that we have reservations about serving God. But the apostle Paul had no conditions or reservations. Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ’s idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others.
This last part in particular hit me. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others? Am I willing to be identified with (suffer like?) the crucifixtion of Jesus, giving up His life for others? Am I willing to serve with NO RESERVATIONS? I know I am called to DTS at YWAM, but I want to be fully prepared even now to be of service to God in each area of my life. I want to be fully engaged with no reservations. I know I have been moving toward that, but want to be fully sold-out and prepared to serve in whatever way, place, etc that God calls me to. I want breakthrough in the areas that I am hesitant or lack faith. One particular area is finances. I have faith that God will take care of the finances needed to attend the school, but I am concerned about where I am financially now and desire to be in line with God's desires for my finances. I want a better understanding and wisdom about how to be a good steward financially. And I desire to break free of the poverty mentality of "there is never enough". I know my Father "owns the cattle on a thousand hills", but I don't think I truly believe that He would sell those for me. Hopefully this makes sense.
Ok, this got really long, so sorry for that. Let me know where all the rest of you are and I will be agreeing with you and lifting you up. I love this community of believers and love how God is bringing us all to a similar place. I'm loving watching Him work in our lives!
Love you all,
Tori
The why: I really am drawn to something I read this week and very challenged by it. It is the Nov 25th devotional from My Utmost for His Highest and I include it here:
Natural human love expects something in return. But Paul is saying, "It doesn’t really matter to me whether you love me or not. I am willing to be completely destitute anyway; willing to be poverty-stricken, not just for your sakes, but also that I may be able to get you to God." "For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though He was rich, yet for your sakes He became poor . . ." ( 2 Corinthians 8:9 ). And Paul’s idea of service was the same as our Lord’s. He did not care how high the cost was to himself— he would gladly pay it. It was a joyful thing to Paul.
The institutional church’s idea of a ser
vant of God is not at all like Jesus Christ’s idea. His idea is that we serve Him by being the servants of others. Jesus Christ actually "out-socialized" the socialists. He said that in His kingdom the greatest one would be the servant of all (see Matthew 23:11 ). The real test of a saint is not one’s willingness to preach the gospel, but one’s willingness to do something like washing the disciples’ feet— that is, being willing to do those things that seem unimportant in human estimation but count as everything to God. It was Paul’s delight to spend his life for God’s interests in other people, and he did not care what it cost. But before we will serve, we stop to ponder our personal and financial concerns— "What if God wants me to go over there? And what about my salary? What is the climate like there? Who will take care of me? A person must consider all these things." All that is an indication that we have reservations about serving God. But the apostle Paul had no conditions or reservations. Paul focused his life on Jesus Christ’s idea of a New Testament saint; that is, not one who merely proclaims the gospel, but one who becomes broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others.
This last part in particular hit me. Am I willing to be broken bread and poured-out wine in the hands of Jesus Christ for the sake of others? Am I willing to be identified with (suffer like?) the crucifixtion of Jesus, giving up His life for others? Am I willing to serve with NO RESERVATIONS? I know I am called to DTS at YWAM, but I want to be fully prepared even now to be of service to God in each area of my life. I want to be fully engaged with no reservations. I know I have been moving toward that, but want to be fully sold-out and prepared to serve in whatever way, place, etc that God calls me to. I want breakthrough in the areas that I am hesitant or lack faith. One particular area is finances. I have faith that God will take care of the finances needed to attend the school, but I am concerned about where I am financially now and desire to be in line with God's desires for my finances. I want a better understanding and wisdom about how to be a good steward financially. And I desire to break free of the poverty mentality of "there is never enough". I know my Father "owns the cattle on a thousand hills", but I don't think I truly believe that He would sell those for me. Hopefully this makes sense.
Ok, this got really long, so sorry for that. Let me know where all the rest of you are and I will be agreeing with you and lifting you up. I love this community of believers and love how God is bringing us all to a similar place. I'm loving watching Him work in our lives!
Love you all,
Tori
getting started
i've taken some time this weekend to pray and think about my fast. i'm copying from my notes from my quiet time on friday afternoon:
2/27/09...feeling very strong about fasting
why? to feel more of God's presence and voice, to do something to actively engage and invite Him in. to gain clarity around a decision for later this year.
when? this coming week, monday thru friday. the first week of march. this is very symbolic, as i realize that it's been exactly 1 year since the Quest weekend.
how? how can i fast AND continue running? by eating healthier. use food as fuel. fresh fruits and veggies, smoothies. do liquids for 2 meals (breakfast & lunch), then eat a healthy dinner at night.
what? daily time of worship and prayer. some scriptures that came to mind to meditate on now and during my fast:
2 chron 7:14...humble myself and seek and pray His face and turn from my wicked ways.
matt 6:16-18...do not look somber (or boast) or make it obvious (that i'm fasting).
prov 15...a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger (call on God when parenting and teaching)
2/27/09...feeling very strong about fasting
why? to feel more of God's presence and voice, to do something to actively engage and invite Him in. to gain clarity around a decision for later this year.
when? this coming week, monday thru friday. the first week of march. this is very symbolic, as i realize that it's been exactly 1 year since the Quest weekend.
how? how can i fast AND continue running? by eating healthier. use food as fuel. fresh fruits and veggies, smoothies. do liquids for 2 meals (breakfast & lunch), then eat a healthy dinner at night.
what? daily time of worship and prayer. some scriptures that came to mind to meditate on now and during my fast:
2 chron 7:14...humble myself and seek and pray His face and turn from my wicked ways.
matt 6:16-18...do not look somber (or boast) or make it obvious (that i'm fasting).
prov 15...a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh words stirs up anger (call on God when parenting and teaching)
Complete Immersion
To be IMMERSED in God’s presence, in His all consuming being, completely surrounding me and not being aware of anything else but Him…that is where I want to be.
I want to be turned “inside out.” Our person is made up of 3 parts-Spirit (the part that communes with the Lord), Soul (our mind, will & emotions), Flesh (our body). Often we live “in” our flesh, directed by our souls (thoughts, desires & will). Fasting turns that “inside out” and we choose to allow our spirit to be more closely in tune with God’s Holy Spirit & choose to live “in” the spirit, allowing His Spirit to guide us.
This last year has been intense-just can’t seem to breakthrough. My motivation for committing this time to fasting, praying and wholeheartedly seeking the Lord is not simply to see change in these 3 areas of my life, but to breakthrough to a new level in my relationship with the Lord. I want more of Him. I need more of Him. I desire to intimately know what is on His heart about my life, about my family’s life and my wrong ways of thinking -as much as He is willing to reveal.
Jeremiah 29: 12-14 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…
More than anything, seeking His kingdom first is of the utmost priority, and then all the other things will fall into place as they should, while all the time I’m getting out of the way of the One who knows how to orchestrate our lives within His purposes better than I do.
I want to be turned “inside out.” Our person is made up of 3 parts-Spirit (the part that communes with the Lord), Soul (our mind, will & emotions), Flesh (our body). Often we live “in” our flesh, directed by our souls (thoughts, desires & will). Fasting turns that “inside out” and we choose to allow our spirit to be more closely in tune with God’s Holy Spirit & choose to live “in” the spirit, allowing His Spirit to guide us.
This last year has been intense-just can’t seem to breakthrough. My motivation for committing this time to fasting, praying and wholeheartedly seeking the Lord is not simply to see change in these 3 areas of my life, but to breakthrough to a new level in my relationship with the Lord. I want more of Him. I need more of Him. I desire to intimately know what is on His heart about my life, about my family’s life and my wrong ways of thinking -as much as He is willing to reveal.
Jeremiah 29: 12-14 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…
More than anything, seeking His kingdom first is of the utmost priority, and then all the other things will fall into place as they should, while all the time I’m getting out of the way of the One who knows how to orchestrate our lives within His purposes better than I do.
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