Friday, April 17, 2009

release

in one of my previous posts, i wrote about letting go of something that needed to be released.

i wanted to get a little more specific about that today, because as i reflect on the process that has brought me to this moment, i am reminded how all of you have impacted me, especially during the fast and through this blog.

a couple of months ago keith asked people to stand up if they were "all in". i couldn't do it. i really wanted to, but i knew if i stood up, it wouldn't be genuine for me because i was still holding onto something that needed to be released to God.

recently i found myself asking, "why am i placing my trust and my need for approval in the hands of humans and not in God's hands?" and i remembered a verse…the Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall i be afraid?

by selfishly holding onto this, i'm preventing God from using it to help others. and if i continue to keep it to myself, how is that glorifying His name??

so this sunday i'm going to be sharing my testimony. i'm releasing it.

i can't say i'm feeling 100% confident about it. i keep thinking, "why in the WORLD am i going to get up in front of the church and willingly talk about the worst part of my life, the absolute WORST part of me?"

and then i remember back about 3 years ago when someone else willingly got up and shared her testimony, and how much it affected me. i was blown away by her courage and candor. it was so powerful, and it also set off a series of events that ultimately brought me right here to this moment. God is so good. He is the great orchestrator and connector of all things.

sometimes i can't believe that He has taken the very worst of me and is now using it for good.

1 comment:

  1. I love that verse: the Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid? (Powerful!)

    I'm blown away by you and your courage. You are an absolutely amazing young women and I can only hope to one day have a shred of the courage you've found. Just being able to see that God is using a part of you to help others has got to be the most incredible feeling ever but like you said to couple it with the part you feel is the worst of you is incredible.

    I feel so honored to know you and have you in my life, I think the world of you and know He will be standing by your side AGAIN on Sunday in church just like He did that night at your house. And remember you'll have your "immersion girls" sitting in the chairs loving you and pouring our all into you.

    Praying for peace, calm and courage for you.
    Love you!

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