Ok time to suit up-the tension is thick. Ephesisans 6:10-18 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. F0r our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth...the breastplate of righteousness...and with feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is God's word. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
We had a tough nite with our daughter-you know the situation. This is one of the things I am fasting for breakthrough for. I need to remember the scripture above and be angry at the enemy & not our daughter-I'm not doing so great with this right now. I want to be really, really mad at her. Right now I can't get past how what she has done has had a horrible impact on everyone else-especially me. I must be praying in the spirit now, not looking with my fleshly eyes, and I need those linking shields-I find myself not even wanting to pray...
Friday, March 6, 2009
Thursday, March 5, 2009
On a lighter note....I didn't know that much stuff could come out of one person!! I think things from when I was 4 years old are coming out of me!! It had to be said!! lol. You know it is true...just nobody wants to admit it!! My body doesn't know what to do with all the fruit and vegetables. My body thinks I've lost my mind....and I guess in some ways I have. I was in line behind a guy at Lubys today and he had chicken fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and pie. My brain was very focused on his tray and was asking me, "Why, why....why are you doing this??" I began to explain to my brain that the zucchini, salad and yellow squash on my plate was sooo much better tasting than the stuff on his plate. My brain told me I was crazy and a LIAR!! My GI system is rebelling and is rather lost. Oh well....life is good...and so was the squash!!
Design
During my quiet time this morning, I was reading in My Utmost for His Highest and a book by Max Lucado. Some of this is excerpted from that reading, but most is from my heart that I wanted to share:
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
"Joy means the perfect fulfilment of that for which I was created and regenerated, not the successful doing of a thing. I have to count my life precious only for the fulfilling of that ministry God has called me to. In order to receive my ministry from God, I have to know Jesus as more than a personal savior." I have to be in companionship with Him, I need to spend time getting to know Him and myself so I can discern His character in me and discern who He has made me to be. He has created me in a unique design. I am the only one He created in this specific way in this specific package. I am getting a revelation and better understanding that God creates each of us with a unique package of characteristics and traits and abilities and personality because He creates me to do something "no one else can do, in a fasion no one else can do it in." As I spend time exploring who He has made me to be and step into that design, holding my hands open, realizing it is Jesus' plan, God works through me to expand His kingdom. And isn't that what this life is about? Living in such a way that Jesus exudes from every part of my being and nothing satisfies like knowing I am right smack in the middle of being who HE designed me to be, because then He can have His will and operate through me to bring others to Himself. "If I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me." John 12:32 That takes a ton of pressure off because I just need to love on God and on people and walk in the design that He made and He will be lifted up. It is not about doing ministry, it is about being who He designed and called me to be. Wow, I just had a major aha moment. These past almost 3 years of sitting and knowing I needed to be still was about understanding this. I need to be who God designed me and while I am walking in that He is doing the "doing". Being still is about resting in and walking into the completeness of His design for me. Then it is not about acts of service or doing ministry which is how most of us operate. We believe God has called us to a ministry and we sometimes try to step into that in our own strength. Instead, if we became the fulfillment of His design in us, the "ministry" would just flow out of our very being. And thus, His kingdom expands without the heavy lifting, because now, it truly is His burden and He is carrying the load.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Explanation
I wanted to let everyone know that when I registered to join you guys, it automatically brought up "Terry and Denisha". I think I had previously registered so to write on someone's blog so it brought up our previous entry. Terry is not involved nor is he reading any of this. The site did it on it's own. Sorry about that. Last night was a hard night for me. Terry and I got in an argument and I noticed how I went straight to the kitchen but then remembered I couldn't do what I normally would do. Instead I read an article that I had previously read that has to do with how God takes away so to establish something new and better. It talks about how anytime God would give someone a vision (for ex: Joseph, Moses, Abraham, David etc.) it was always followed by a time of darkness because in God's kingdom darkness comes first, and then the morning. When He did creation, it says and it was evening and then light and that was the first day, etc. When He created the world, first there was darkness and God said let there be light. Darkness was first. Life comes from death. We say morning and then night but God always starts with the darkness. The promise of morning is in the darkness. He does this so He can establish something better. It was good because although my flesh was screaming out, my spirit was encouraged. I got through it. Joy comes in the morning.
fasting day 3- karen
i am humbled by God's love. today i have a renewed sense of closeness with Him. the hunger is a constant reminder of how much i need Him.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
i find i am relishing more of life since starting this fast- living a bit more in the moment; noticing more. and very thankful for the group of women i'm doing this with.
in case i needed more evidence that this group fast is no accident, i opened up my daily devotional book this morning (hey, that's THREE times this week i've read it!) to find march 4th entitled "support system" and this verse from ecclesiastes 4:9-10..."two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. if one falls down her friend can help her up. but pity the woman who falls and has no one to help her up."
there's just something about knowing that others are going through this with me too. many times i tend to fall into a false perception of "no one knows what i'm going through. no one gets it. i'm alone in this." i don't think it's a coincidence that God placed me in community with these other women. He's been waiting for us to take our connection deeper; to connect below the surface where life really matters.
Becoming...
Emotionalism- I am just contemplating...
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
When I first realized a real, live relationship with the Lord existed between He & I, He met me right where I was at. He spoke my language! He knew me well enough to know what would get my attention and would cause me to respond to Him. A huge part of that for me was the HUGELY emotional "feelings" I would experience-the "warm & fuzzies" only they were INTENSE! In my spiritual immaturity I was radical (nothing wrong with that in a sense) but in my 'radicalism' I now realize that many, many times, I sought the feelings, the intense warm and fuzzies, I sought the experience and not the Lord's face or what was important to Him, I didn't take seriously what was on His heart-I just wanted my "fix." On the other hand, they did serve the purpose in one way, of making God very real to me. They also created a desire in me to want to keep looking for Him, to find Him out and to be near to Him.
I've entered into a fast-I'm on day 10 of 42 and I've wondered a bit about the "lack of" emotional intensity. I’ve wondered if maybe I haven’t been doing what I am “supposed” to be doing. I am a bit more zeroed in, noticing my prayers are more focused, purposeful, warrior -like, but I've not experienced the intense "feeling" that I'm accustomed to. It has been a gradual 'entering into the midst of His presence' on a new level.
I started contemplating this yesterday and this morning I got a clear sense that I don't "need" that anymore to know my Lord, to trust Him, to KNOW he is everything. I do enjoy those times though! I love those feelings! Who wouldn't?? But as I was thinking about it, I thought of how a relationship begins between a man & a woman. At the beginning it’s all attraction & emotion (not always, just speaking in general) and through time the relationship constantly changes, you grow together and your relationship doesn't depend on the raw emotions & attraction, it is built on love, trust, security, grace, joy, faith, hope. Things that are steadfast. Those first years, for me, it was as if the Lord was romancing me. Now, there are such sweet times when I experience that, but I want the more with it-the security, the peace, the cleft in the rock that I know will always be there, the joy, the faith, hope. I think I'm entering into a time where my relationship with the Lord is going to go to change and it won't be the same. As I am writing this, that thought is scary to me, but also exciting. The stages: the attraction, the love interest, the girlfriend, the fiancée, the bride, the beloved wife...this all feels so raw. I don't know what to expect and I don't know if I know how to engage.
You are not alone...
From my devotional yesterday...
And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
You are not alone. The Lord is standing next to you. He cares. Jesus said, "Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age" (Matthew 28:20).
This gives me such a sense of peace knowing the Lord is ALWAYS there, maybe sometimes it scares me a bit too because it reminds me he sees everything! "I'm never alone", what an awesome feeling to know He is always there, right beside me, sometimes carrying me. These feelings I'm experiencing are somewhat overwhelming but splendid at the same time. I mentioned last night that my husband Jeff will be traveling through the end of he month and usually I get a little depressed knowing he'll be gone but I can honestly say even though I will miss him terribly I haven't experienced that sad, depressed feeling that usually overcomes me several days before he travels. Not to mention knowing I have "my girls"! I can't think of anyone other than all of you for a support system, such a comfort for me.
Today has been such an amazing day! God is so sneaky sometimes. I work with this very sweet girl, she is a Christian through and through well today she told me she had something to tell me so she came over to my desk and began by telling me that her & her sister along with their entire church was fasting. I stopped her mid sentence and asked her why she was telling me this and she said she wasn't sure she just wanted to share it with me. I was so amazed, she went on to tell me about the blessings they both have been experiencing during the fast. When she finished I let her know that there was a group of us from my church who also was fasting. We both sat there and just giggled for a minute because it all seemed so odd. Once I explained to her about our fasting she said "for some reason I just wanted to tell you". Anyhow, she then told me about another women she met who also informed her about their church fasting as well. That just goes to prove how God is working through so many of us and how he's making a way for us to find each other. I'm still in awe of how all that came about today but feel so very blessed that we are all a part of it.
"You are not alone"
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