Today, someone spoke to me, "There is a solution, God has a solution for you." She was speaking of a second area that I am fasting about-my job. I'm claiming this. For some reason her words held power of hope and, even freedom. It felt so strange. I guess I had not realized the oppression that I had chosen to live under. I'm incredibly hopeful...something I hadn't been in touch with for quite a while as "duty" has ruled everything for some time.
In an earlier post, I spoke of unwanted visitors. There has been movement in that area. Can I say that it is so very strange to not have the intense tension in our home?? It shouldn't be-but it is unfamiliar. I'm not saying all is solved; all that we need to work through is worked through; that all we need to learn is learned; all that we need to change is changed. But I think we've taken one step in that direction. I am hopeful in this area as well...
********************************************************************************** On that note, I'd like to ask for prayer. I've talked with a counselor who works with adolescence & am very optimistic about this. I'd like to "know that I know" that this is the right choice. This will be quite pricey on the front side, so, also that we will have all we need to cover the cost of this. I have a peace about it, but feel I need confirmation of some sort-don't know why.
Also, Jeff & I will be meeting with Kirk (the 20 yr old) and his parents on Sunday. I'm even feeling hopeful & confident about this. ( I would really like to hold on to these for the next 2 days!) We will need the Holy Spirit, grace, wisdom, favor, peace, courage, strength, guidance, the Holy Spirit, truth, a willingness to follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, and...the Holy Spirit.
Thank you ladies-I cannot say thank you enough. It has been an honor to be connected with you in this way. I hope that all is well with you and that you are finding a deeper place in your relationships with the Lord than you have known to this point.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My first Blog aren't we so proud LOL
As I started this and the fast was explained I wanted to do it but not to just jump on that band wagon. I wanted to do it because this was what the Lord was calling me to. I thought about what I wanted from him and really off and on lately I had been fasting on my own. But this seemed like it was going to be something significant. I wanted some clarity and some direction. Some peace and to just draw closer to him. I woke up one morning and it was like today we start. Ok Lord here we go. I think that was two weeks ago now. From Sun up to Sun down. So I did and at first I thought I was doing it for you guys because when Kristi first told us about all this I heard 21 days. I thought but they are all doing it for 40 so are you sure?? I heard it again 21 days before Easter. I was ok with that but the next morning it was like today we fast. So in my mind that meant I was fasting for you guys. Silly silly me. The Lord has been real clear on my journey and how I am to do this. Before I even read the food list for the Daniel fast I heard the lord say no meat for the 21 days. He said fruits and veggies. I asked if I needed to follow the Daniel fast and he said no just no meat. Then on the last three days before Easter I am to do a total fast. Which is going to require me to be totally into what he is doing in order for me to do it.
The Lord has already been faithful and shown me a lot about the relationship I was in. And he has been telling me for a while he is calling me to discover somethings. I have to learn how to love better and not so much other people but myself. I give so much and I really hate being selfish. I was brought up and told all my life I was selfish that doing things I wanted to do was selfish. That others are to come before me always and I am not to say no. I need to think of others feelings above my own. Really what I want is being selfish. To want things is self-centered. God doesn't call us to be happy he calls us to be obedient. He calls us to give our lives for others. This is what I was taught growing up. I am not to worry about myself. This isn't totally wrong but the way I was taught it was like I shouldn't matter. I have no boundaries and I have no clue how to use them or how to see when someone has crossed it until I am so hurt and angry I have no choice but to see. As Denisha said I am a woman who loves to much.
I am thankful to the Lord and what he is teaching me. Today I was reminded of two story's one was the man who wanted to join Jesus and he asked what he should do. The Lord told him to go sell all he had and come follow him. The man couldn't do it. That is about where his heart was. Looking at that I have to think about where is my heart? When things come up I think that is the question God is asking me. Then I thought about Abraham when God asked him to give up his son. He was testing his heart in that. He really didn't want him to kill his son. He wanted his heart. I think with this fast for me God is asking do you trust me. With every step I have to take with this. Where is your heart is it really for me?? We say a lot how we want more of the Lord and every time we want more it means it will cost us more. So this big fast is a price to pay and I can say my heart is in it. I am all in.
The Lord has already been faithful and shown me a lot about the relationship I was in. And he has been telling me for a while he is calling me to discover somethings. I have to learn how to love better and not so much other people but myself. I give so much and I really hate being selfish. I was brought up and told all my life I was selfish that doing things I wanted to do was selfish. That others are to come before me always and I am not to say no. I need to think of others feelings above my own. Really what I want is being selfish. To want things is self-centered. God doesn't call us to be happy he calls us to be obedient. He calls us to give our lives for others. This is what I was taught growing up. I am not to worry about myself. This isn't totally wrong but the way I was taught it was like I shouldn't matter. I have no boundaries and I have no clue how to use them or how to see when someone has crossed it until I am so hurt and angry I have no choice but to see. As Denisha said I am a woman who loves to much.
I am thankful to the Lord and what he is teaching me. Today I was reminded of two story's one was the man who wanted to join Jesus and he asked what he should do. The Lord told him to go sell all he had and come follow him. The man couldn't do it. That is about where his heart was. Looking at that I have to think about where is my heart? When things come up I think that is the question God is asking me. Then I thought about Abraham when God asked him to give up his son. He was testing his heart in that. He really didn't want him to kill his son. He wanted his heart. I think with this fast for me God is asking do you trust me. With every step I have to take with this. Where is your heart is it really for me?? We say a lot how we want more of the Lord and every time we want more it means it will cost us more. So this big fast is a price to pay and I can say my heart is in it. I am all in.
Response to Kristi's
I'm doing ok. I'm just living life and doing the fast at the same time. I figure it will have it's work even if I don't see it as it happens. The Lord has spoken things to me but at this point I'm not focused on the fast part of it and pursuing Him concerning it (unless of course I'm struggling with food---then I'm talking to Him about it but I'm not talking to Him about what He wants me to do, see, etc. because of the fast. The fast is just there kinda like my 5 loaves and 2 fish and then the rest I'm leaving up to Him. I know Patti told me before they started New Hope they use to as an elder team fast together quite a bit. She said sometimes some wonderful things happened and then other times it would appear absolutely nothing would happen. She said that things did happen or were set in motion in the spritual realm, they just couldn't see it or weren't aware of it. That helped me to just relax and be obedient. I just do the fast and He will do the rest. That is where I am.
3rd week
This is the middle of my 3rd week. I'm really having a hard time engaging. I don't know if it is because I had some preconceived notions about how this was going to go, if I'm becoming apathetic, or if I'm just being a bit lazy b/c I have one child home this week for spring break and will have the other two home next week. IDK. Maybe it is all of the above.
I'm curious*****where is everyone else at with thier fast?
I'm curious*****where is everyone else at with thier fast?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Blah Blah Blah
These past 2 days have been tough. My box is very small these days and my flesh is screaming for an escape even if just for an hour or two. It seems along with food, the Lord has me cornered in almost every area of my life....and to be honest....I don't like it one bit. I'm trying to cooperate and stay still but it has been hard. Lots of tears these past few days. Feeling rather lost. It feels really old. I'm sure it is old and all those things are what keep me from feeling it and keep me from dealing with it and ultimately getting free from it all. The Lord has been close by and is speaking to me which makes it bearable and worth it. So, I guess it isn't completely dark. My spirit knows good things are coming. I am hopeful and excited but not enjoying this part. I've been reading the blog but didn't want to make the effort to write something. Too hard. This is my effort. Not real deep...but there it is. Joy comes in the morning.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Unwanted Visitors
How can I thank you enough, my friends & prayer warriors. Last week's breakdown was one of the worst yet, but I did not feel alone. I knew that your prayers went before me (us). What a priceless treasure that is-one I wouldn't trade for anything that this world has to offer. It is these friendships that makes me wealthy. I'm praying we are close to breakthrough with this.
From a different perspective...Sunday morning as I began praying for Bri, the Lord prompted me to pick up my Power of a Praying Parent book by Stormy Omartian. I usually pick it up a few times throughout a year and pray through it. As I began to use the prayer for the day I began to get some incredible discernement about the things that were surrounding our daughter and influencing her. The prayer for that morning included things that I had been praying for her already before I picked it up but my eyes were opened up as I continued to pray. I started to see the unwanted visitors that had a hold of her-they were unwanted, but she had invited them into her life by various means. I'm speaking of the "visitors" that Ephesians 6 speaks of: 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Thier names were deciet, manipulation, lying, selfishness, jealousy, etc. This is where the shift happened for me. Because God chose to give her to us for a time to raise, He also gave us authority over her. Also, Jesus gave me/us authority "over all the power of the enemy..." (Luke 10:19) These visitors certainly are of the enemy. I chose to access the authority given to me by Jesus. As I did this, in my mind's eye, I saw a picture of the soldiers from the enemy's camp begining to fall asleep. So I began to pray that way-that they would stand down, that they would fall asleep and become completely unaware of any of the work from the Lord making it's way to Brianna. So that, when Brianna was in and/or exposed to the Lord's word and those words were entering into her thoughts they would be able to make it through to her heart without these visitors raising up defenses through Brianna's offenses towards it and other things that will truly benefit her.
I call them "visitors" because they will not be allowed to stay. They will be replaced with truth, righteousness, humility, gratitude, joy, peace, a teachable spirit, etc.
I just needed to remember my station (and need to continue to remember)
From a different perspective...Sunday morning as I began praying for Bri, the Lord prompted me to pick up my Power of a Praying Parent book by Stormy Omartian. I usually pick it up a few times throughout a year and pray through it. As I began to use the prayer for the day I began to get some incredible discernement about the things that were surrounding our daughter and influencing her. The prayer for that morning included things that I had been praying for her already before I picked it up but my eyes were opened up as I continued to pray. I started to see the unwanted visitors that had a hold of her-they were unwanted, but she had invited them into her life by various means. I'm speaking of the "visitors" that Ephesians 6 speaks of: 12 For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Thier names were deciet, manipulation, lying, selfishness, jealousy, etc. This is where the shift happened for me. Because God chose to give her to us for a time to raise, He also gave us authority over her. Also, Jesus gave me/us authority "over all the power of the enemy..." (Luke 10:19) These visitors certainly are of the enemy. I chose to access the authority given to me by Jesus. As I did this, in my mind's eye, I saw a picture of the soldiers from the enemy's camp begining to fall asleep. So I began to pray that way-that they would stand down, that they would fall asleep and become completely unaware of any of the work from the Lord making it's way to Brianna. So that, when Brianna was in and/or exposed to the Lord's word and those words were entering into her thoughts they would be able to make it through to her heart without these visitors raising up defenses through Brianna's offenses towards it and other things that will truly benefit her.
I call them "visitors" because they will not be allowed to stay. They will be replaced with truth, righteousness, humility, gratitude, joy, peace, a teachable spirit, etc.
I just needed to remember my station (and need to continue to remember)
fasting day 5- karen (wastefulness)
i've come to the end of my first ever spiritual fast...with a little lesson on wastefulness. on thursday night i was hit with some, um, how can i put this delicately?..."lower intestinal issues."
my plan before this happened was to go running, so i decided to use the bathroom real quick and then get my running clothes on. well, 30 minutes later i'm still in the bathroom expelling my weight in waste.
it made me think of wastefulness.
wasteful thinking that clogs my mind...wasteful eating that distracts...and materialistic wastefulness that clutters my physical space. all of this takes me away from the presence of God.
this fast has brought me a new level of awareness- without being condemning. i've become aware of how powerful and energizing my quiet time can be. i've become aware of how i've used food to distract me (proverbs 31:27 "she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness") and how i've sometimes used food as an emotional crutch. i've become aware of a deeper and more fruitful connection with the group of women i'm fasting with. i've become aware of something worldly i need to let go of. i've become aware of how much i enjoy journaling.
i really feel God guiding me towards "simple". "do not worry. i give you all that you need."
my plan before this happened was to go running, so i decided to use the bathroom real quick and then get my running clothes on. well, 30 minutes later i'm still in the bathroom expelling my weight in waste.
it made me think of wastefulness.
wasteful thinking that clogs my mind...wasteful eating that distracts...and materialistic wastefulness that clutters my physical space. all of this takes me away from the presence of God.
this fast has brought me a new level of awareness- without being condemning. i've become aware of how powerful and energizing my quiet time can be. i've become aware of how i've used food to distract me (proverbs 31:27 "she watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness") and how i've sometimes used food as an emotional crutch. i've become aware of a deeper and more fruitful connection with the group of women i'm fasting with. i've become aware of something worldly i need to let go of. i've become aware of how much i enjoy journaling.
i really feel God guiding me towards "simple". "do not worry. i give you all that you need."
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